[Manga Mondays] Saiunkoku Monogatari

saiunkoku english manga vol. 1Title: Saiunkoku Monogatari (The Story of Saiunkoku; The Tale of the Kingdom of Colored Clouds)
Author: Sai Yukino (story); Kairi Yura (art)
Genres: Romance, Drama, Historical, Political, Comedy, Reverse Harem
Published: 2003 – 2011 (LN); 2005 – 2012 (manga)
Volumes: 18 (LN – complete); 9 (manga – defunct)
Japanese Publisher: Monthly Asuka (magazine); Kadokawa Shoten (tankobon format)
English Publisher: Viz Media (albeit rights have now been transferred to Yen Press)
Available to Purchase in English?: Yes (Amazon / Barnes & Noble / Indigo)

[Note: This post contains mild spoilers]

Finally, for those of you who’ve been wondering about my repeated references to this series, I’m going to explain to you why I love SaiMono so much.

But first a quick explanation for all the parentheses in the summary. Saiunkoku Monogatari is something of an incomplete series. In Japan, there are the light novels (x 18, plus four volumes of side stories), two seasons of anime, and nine manga. However in North America, fans have access to… one season of anime and the manga. -_- Furthermore assuming that it was due to declining sales and interest in the series, only the nine volumes of manga were ever created, leaving the equivalent of the second half of the first season and all of the second of the anime untold in manga format. So basically if you can’t read Japanese fluently and aren’t able to import the light novels, as a fan you’re hooped when it comes to reading the full story yourself.

Also in my review of A Bride’s Story, I mentioned that it narrowly beat out Saiunkoku Monogatari as my favourite series, but in retrospect I think I meant that more in terms of the artwork. Both series are gorgeous, however overall I think I prefer the story of SaiMono. It’s very close though!

Alright, onward to the meat of my review.

ryuuki seiran shuurei bg


Saiunkoku Monogatari
centers around a sixteen year old girl named Shuurei Kou (as in the original Japanese media). She is from one of the eight noble families of Saiukoku, but her immediate family has little money and so she and her family’s retainer, Seiran Shi, have to work assorted odd jobs in order to help her father make ends meet. Shuurei’s father found Seiran abandoned one night when he was young and Shuurei was still small, so he works for Shuurei’s father in an effort to repay the kindness shown to him. Shuurei’s father Shouka works in the Imperial Archives but makes little money, and Shuurei’s mother passed away when Shuurei was little, so her family has few options left when it comes to surviving short of begging their relatives for money.

At the beginning of the series, Shuurei is approached by one of the Emperor’s Grand Advisors who has a proposition for her. The current Emperor, Ryuuki Shi (different kanji, but…), wants nothing to do with royal duties and has been shirking his responsibilities. If Shuurei is willing to enter the imperial household and spend six months as the emperor’s consort teaching the emperor how to be a strong ruler, with Seiran going as her bodyguard, Advisor Sho will give Shuurei’s family a very large sum of money. Shuurei is desperate and agrees to the deal, realizing only later that she might be in over her head.saiunkoku_manga_artbook_0009-copy

However the arrangement is bittersweet. From the time when the country of Saiunkoku was struck by extreme poverty and hardship, Shuurei’s dream has been to become an official in the Imperial Court so she can help others. But there’s a catch – women are forbidden from taking the exams. So being in the Inner Court is a little like rubbing salt in a wound for Shuurei, but she is still determined to teach Ryuuki to be a good emperor. Ryuuki is of course attracted to Shuurei, but she is unbelievably sheltered and naive when it comes to the opposite sex, and she rebuffs his advances.

After Shuurei finishes her time with Ryuuki and leaves the Imperial Palace, Ryuuki decides that he will change the laws so that women are able to take the entrance exams. With the door to her dream now accessible for the first time in her life, Shuurei takes up the challenge.

There’s so much more I could say but don’t want to get into because I don’t want to spoil this amazing series for anyone, so all I can say is to GO READ IT and GO WATCH IT because it’s a one-of-a-kind series you won’t forget.

So, pros? Fantastic characters, tons of bishounen in a reverse harem, a unique story, and gorgeous artwork elevate this series above others for me. And as I’ve said before, as much as I hate the term “strong female character”, this series has several. Shuurei herself is a fantastic role model, for reasons I’d be happy to get into if anyone wants to have that discussion.

What elseseiran and shuurei? There’s romance but the series doesn’t revolve around it; in fact because of Shuurei’s aversion to men, what romance there is ranks a little lower on SaiMono’s scale of important factors, a nice change in an industry where many series are near carbon copies of the same damn thing because creators know that that’s what sells. And it’s a historical title, so there is little nudity or over-the-top innuendo, something I consider to be a breath of fresh air. Politics are front and center in SaiMono too.

I’d like to take a moment to comment on the depth of Saiunkoku. There are so many layers, so many hidden things and plays on words which are expertly woven together to create a detailed story. Names, character relationships, ulterior motives – ugh. I don’t even know how to put it into words because I don’t want to ruin it for anyone, but I’m honestly hard-pressed to think of a series which has the richness and complexity of Saiunkoku. There’s just so much to it; it’s not just some straightforward historical romance.

Cons? The series is extremely slow-paced. How slow? Both seasons of anime have 38 episodes. Each. Whew! So there’s lots of plot, but there’s also lots of filler. Plus towards the end of the second season I found the story got a little convoluted and farfetched, though overall I feel it still stands strong. In terms of the manga (since this is a manga review, not an anime review >>; ), only the first two or three story arcs are covered, enough to get the reader interested but then left wanting more.

If you’re reading or watching SaiMono for lots of romance, you might be disappointed. Don’t get me wrong there’s definitely romance in SaiMono, but it’s often subtle, and the obvious moments are infrequent. Plus you know, there’s the whole reverse harem factor to contend with if that’s not your thing.

Lastly as I already mentioned, the series is incomplete. If you finish the second season of the anime, you can see how it was left open for a continuation, but due to decreased popularity I don’t think we will ever see a third season, or more of the manga. o(?_?)o

My Score: 9/10
Do I Recommend This Title?: If you can tolerate slow-paced series, then YES, if only for the artwork and the characters. There are so many layers to Saiunkoku, much of which is not revealed until much later, and though the manga is incomplete I still feel like it’s a title worth reading. It’s like a beautiful onion – pretty to look at as a whole, but as you get further down through the layers it’s going to make you cry.

And if you ever want to talk about this series AT ALL, please feel free to ask me about it! I literally will never tire of talking about Saiunkoku Monogatari. (????)?*:???

Ozmafia!! [Kyrie Route]

“The vast majority of people are imbeciles compared to me”

kyrie

Kyrie is the Scarecrow of the OZ fairy tale, which can easily be told by looking at his clothes and hair which are scaring the shit out of me. I’m sorry, I’m not a big fan of green hair in general ( expect Shun from Saint Seiya, love u man), but green and purple? WITH A FEDORA? Every time I look at him I see Barney the dinosaur wearing a fancy hat, so sorry, but I’m not fond of his character design. BUT HEH,this is my personal taste, (which is not a mention of quality at all) and furthermore let’s not judge the guy solely on his physical appearance right? Maybe he has a big heart or something!

Ahaha…
If only.

If I had to sum up Kyrie’s personality in a few words I would say that he is one big troll who thinks he’s so clever and the mastermind being everything. I kind of like cocky and aloof type of characters, so why not?

Kyrie 1Kyrie likes to bully Fuka, it’s he’s second hobby after going to the Brothel to “play games”. I still don’t know which part of the Brothel he is going to… He only mentions playing cards there but eh… I’m not really convinced.
The parts of the route where he bullies Fuka are quite funny. I don’t know if it’s because I’m starting to hate Fuka or because I’m an horrible person in general but I genuinely find those moments entertaining.

Although Kyrie looks like he has an high self esteem, he’s actually quite insecure about himself. He acts all mighty but thinks nobody could possibly love him for what he really is and acknowledges that he has an horrible personality and that he is a “cruel man”. When he confesses to Fuka, he admits that he had a back up line in case she refused. He also does that during transferts endings. When I had the opportunity to ditch Caramia’s golden Ass for him, he asked Fuka to dump the lion to go with him. If you accept, he’ll be surprised but if you refuse he’ll say that it was just a plan to make you and Caramia closer. Yeeeeah…

He is a bit jealous too, when Fuka gives plush toys to Caramia and Axel for some unexplained reason, Kyrie is angry because he’s the only one that did not get one. Caramia makes fun of him so he leaves the room saying something like “shut up I’m not angry. Go to sleep I hope you will have nightmares”. That particular scene made me go “oooh, kyrie, you’re such a twat”.

But I think that the most interesting thing about Kyrie is his way of thinking. When it comes down to political matters and practical stuff IKyrie 2 wouldn’t go as far as calling him a Machiavellian character but close. I am quite interested in all this kind of stuff myself so I couldn’t help but to understand and even agree sometimes with Kyrie’s point of view on some political matters.
As for his opinion on love…eeehhhhh… that’s the part where I disagree the most. For exemple he said something like Fuka has to love every part of him and accept all his flaws in order to make the relationship work, implying that he will never change. I get it, though I don’t agree. I mean, sure she has to make compromises, but she isn’t the only one, there’s a reason why its called relationship. Both sides have to be invested to make it work. You can’t let Fuka do all the work, be at your entire disposition and agreeing with all your fantasies, even if she will since she’s a doormat. You have to give too, like the Spice Girls said: “If you wannabe my lover you have got to give, taking is too easy but that’s a way it is”. Here comes me again and my awful music taste, sorry about that.

Kyrie remains quite the sadist. When Fuka asks him what are lovers supposed to do, he says that he will train her to his linking, meaning, “obey me and do as I am pleased”. Well nothing new, they are a lot of hints in the early part of his route that made me think that he is a bit too controlling. He even said before that he likes seeing Fuka’s pained face and hearing her heavy breathing, u know, good stuff.

Kyrie 4What made me laugh is that everyone, even Kyrie himself, does not understand why Fuka chose him. To be honest, I don’t really know myself. I just wanted the CG I guess… That’s why I chose him.
Caramia and Axel are like ” eh, beats me” while Kyrie, asks multiples times if you are sure that you want to be with such a cruel man. Even Fuka does not know entirely why she’s with him. If you decide to quit Kyrie’s route to go with Caramia, the latter will ask you why you are with Kyrie. Fuka can either reply “I love him” or “I don’t know”. In either case it’s the same thing, even if she replies “I love him” she is then unable to explain why she loves him, only saying that he is smart and…. That’s it, I cannot find any other quality to Kyrie, sorry. Oh yes, maybe we can consider him funny as he messes and trolls everyone but in real life, I would have give up on trying to understand this dude a long time ago, good thing he’s a fictional character right?

But my main problem with him is that… Kyrie is such a bitch. This guy is a huge contradiction. He is needy for attention, he talks shit to people and then wonders why he is alone. FIGURES?! At one point Fuka has a hint of common sense and takes Caramia’s defense because Kyrie was again treating him like shit and Kyrie is like ” WHY ARE YOU BITCHING OVER ME AND TAKING HIS DEFENSE?!” and leaves. OH COME ON! STOP ACTING LIKE A KID! Well at least, if you try to screw with another dude Kyrie shows some jealousy, not like a so called Caramia who couldn’t give a single fuck. He acts so jealous that it’s sad to see him pained if you switch to another guy. To be honest, I did not really care about Kyrie while playing his route, but I felt bad when switching to Caramia since Kyrie acted so sad.

I think my favorite “dialogue” with him might be this one:

kiri 1

I genuinely find this sentence funny

I say dialogue but in reality, there’s not really any dialogue between him and Fuka. Most of the time, it’s just Kyrie talking about himself and his vision of the world while Fuka quietly listens to him without really understanding what he meant. Kyrie basically admits that he loves Fuka because she’s dumb. Well, that’s a my interpretation but he says that he loves her because she can’t do anything on her own and has a lot to learn. She’s always happy to do everything you ask her and that’s something Kyrie doesn’t have anymore. Also, she’s innocent and pure which is something that Kyrie appreciates. In other words, Kyrie sees in Fuka, the innocence and freshness that he has lost long time ago, which is a pretty sweet, I’ll give him that.

Kyrie 7

Ending 1

Kyrie gives Fuka a precious pendant that she, of course, loses to the wolf gang. Apparently, losing that pendant makes him go back to his original state which is an happy go lucky guy, smiling all the time who forgets everything. People call this Kyrie brainless, I think he’s nicer this way! But Fuka doesn’t like that (I really wonder why) so she decides to go back looking for the pendant and get captured by Caesar (again). Kyrie arrives with Black hair and his army of crows attacks all the bad guys… I… okay… I guess… humm… He’s hotter with black hair, that’ll be my only comment.

Kyrie 5Then Fuka learns that the pendant he gave her was actually fake. Well to me it sounds like a rather wise choice not to give Fuka anything precious since she’s able to lost it right after. It might actually be some sort of special ability that she has: the ultimate brainless student or whatever. So Kyrie being nice and happy was an act, he was fooling with everyone just for the pleasure to mess with people because he’s a dick and probably bored.

At the very end, Kyrie and Fuka are married and flirting in front of Caramia, thing that I find extremely rude but apparently it’s funny for them. I might not get it, considering the fact that Caramia is or was in love with Fuka I find this behavior horrible, from both Kyrie and Fuka. I don’t think playing with people’s feelings is very fun and too bad that’s what Kyrie’s entire route is about.
Caramia actually tells Kyrie to go hang himself with some spaghetti. I found this line hilarious for some reason, maybe because this whole scene made me cringe a bit. Aaaaah Caramia, if only you were that cool in your own route….

cara

Ending 2

Kyrie 6Same thing expect Kyrie gets rekt by Caesar that tortures him quite a bit. Juuust a bit. Caramia arrives and saves the day however Kyrie does not return to his usual bitch state and stays a brainless scarecrow but Fuka does seem happy with it. From now, on she will remember things for him and in exchange he will support and love her. This ending is quite sweet in my opinion. Well, first, I found it sweet and then I remembered that Fuka is not capable of reading a map, of cooking, keeping something safe or even remembering her way so I’m afraid that this couple is screwed.

But I wonder if Kyrie lied about giving a fake pendant to Fuka in the first ending. If he doesn’t regain consciousness in the second ending, where she doesn’t get the pendant back it only means that he did give her the true pendant. And Kyrie saying “oh me acting brainless was an act” might have been another lie to protect his dignity. Giving the fact that during his whole route, Kyrie pretty much lied about everything, it wouldn’t be so surprising if this fake pendant story was also a lie. But I don’t really know, I’m not an expert in reading’s fictional character’s minds. It is just my theory.

Kyrie 3

Overall I’d say that Kyrie’s route is a good one. Even if I talked shit about him I appreciate Kyrie as a character. I would probably not be able to be in a relationship with a guy like that in real life since I think he’s a little bitch. He likes to tourment the heroine, lies all the time and teases her. It’s quite fun and entertaining to watch somehow, even more if like me, you are tired of Fuka being useless. I do find Kyrie interesting and his point of view on various subject is somehow the same as mine . However, I do not appreciate his behavior towards the other members of his family, insulting them and making fun of them all the time. After a while, it’s not funny anymore, it’s just being a dick. The first ending did not make me laugh but rather embarrassed me more than anything else, showing that Kyrie’s attitude can be really rude sometimes. Well, all the time actually, I’m a bit bitchy and salty myself but wow, this guy is something else.

So Kyrie’s route is a fun play, he is interesting and I wasn’t bored playing it, maybe because I was listening to some good old cheesy music like always. However, I don’t agree with everything Kyrie does but who asked me to agree anyway? Heh, nobody.

Ranking:

1 Sou Still waiting for the happy ending tho.
2 Kyrie For the love of Fedoras
3 Caramia There’s actually a popular song named “Cara Mia”. Interesting.
4 Brothel Made me realize that Bleach actually has a taste.

Coming next on Ozmafia!!: Scarlet, the shota who looks like Kanato from Diablolik Lovers. It’s going to be fun…

Ozmafia!! [Sou Route]

so

I decided to play Sou’s route after the Brothel one because I needed a break. It was either Sou or Scarlet, the two guys who look like kids. Yeaaaah, I know, “But Charibo, they are clearly underage, that’s also a sin!”. Well after the Brothel, I think that I’ve lost all the remaining innocence that I had, I did not had much left but still.
So I decided to go with Sou first because Scarlet really looks like Kanato from Diabolik Lovers. You know, him:

Kanato_Sakamaki

Kanato is my favorite husbando from the whole cast of Diabolik Lovers so good things should be kept for last ahaha.
Ok enough joking, I hate Diabolik Lovers from the bottom of my heart, so when I say Kanato is my favorite, it means that he’s the one that I hate the most. Well, to be honest, Kanato is now a joke for me. If somebody asks me who’s my husbando? I’ll reply Kanato, 10/10, Kanato and his creepy bear, just perfect waifu, wow. Can you even try to compete with my strong husbando game? EH? I BET YOU CAN’T

Ok so look at this face:
Soh 4

She He’s adorable right ? Nothing bad can happen in his route right? I’ve seen the Brothel route so now, I’m certain that NOTHING, nothing can be worst than this route.

Soh 3Sou is some guy who sells all sort of food and sweets on the street, it’s nothing fishy I promise. He looks super friendly at first and I liked his voice. His route basically consists in Fuka going to his shop and eating pancakes while meeting with lots of side characters of the game. Sou is part of the Wolf Gang, lead by Caesar, the bad guy who wants to kidnap Fuka since the beginning of the game. See that kind of dramatic Romeo + Juliett setting? I like that. Fuka accepts it quite lightly and moves on. Since she only meets Sou during the Sundays, when all violence is prohibited so there should be no danger, she thinks.

From that point Sou looks normal, mature for his looks and protective towards the heroine, giving her rational arguments on why she should be careful. Like not jumping into an armed fight without being protected. I guess you can call it common sense but Fuka has proven many times that she doesn’t have any, so any advice from any character is welcomed. So yeah the first part of the route consists of talking about pancakes and other sweets.Sou looks like some kind of fluffy fairy wrapped with honey, after the brothel route, I quite appreciate that.

Soh 2It is quite interesting to note that even if Sou didn’t hide the fact that he was a member of the Wolf Gang, he is quite secretive on his relationship with Caesar. So secretive that even in the end, having played both endings, you can’t really determine why is Sou staying with Caesar. Some subs events reveal that he is hiding a lot of stuff from him and that in the end, he doesn’t really care about Casear.

Sou and Fuka are a lot alike. Even their physical appearance is almost the same and in terms of personality they complete each other. However, if Sou does look like an innocent flower, dumb and nice like Fuka, he is actually more thoughtful than her, aware of a lot of things and for a reason: He lives in the slumps, place where all the bad things like murders and rape happen. He also saves Fuka from Caesar at some point and manages to lie perfectly to his boss without feeling any regret. So yeah, he looks cute, acts cute, but knows what he is doing.

Ending 1Soh 1

Fuka decides to enter the Oz family. Because of that dumb choice she isn’t allowed to have any contact with Sou except on Sundays since he’s a part of a rival family. Furthermore, if she’s allowed to see and talk to him on Sundays, they can’t be lovers, or have any kind of close relationship. Because he can’t stand that situation, Sou asks Fuka to run away with him. She accepts and they manage to escape town and leave a nice little romance for a few days.

Soh 5However, one morning, Caesar has found trace of them and wants to get Fuka back and to kill Sou cuz he betrayed him. They both battle a bit and Sou manages to hit Caesar but instead of running away, he stays and treats Caesar’s wounds, telling him to shut the fuck up while he’s treating him. It’s cute, I’m not joking. I do find it cute.

If only things would go well for those two right? I mean, they are perfect together. BUT NO! Because the next day, Sou becomes ill and Fuka decides to go back in town to heal him. Fair enough, I don’t want him to die, so that looks like a good plan Fuka. She gets scold a bit by the Oz family but just a bit so she doesn’t really care. I don’t know, in Caramia’s place would have been pretty pissed off if some member of my family ran away with a random dude. BUT EH, they are too nice with her…. or they just don’t care… they know that they won’t get the pussy anyway so I bet they don’t care anymore.

Okay. NOW, can they finally be together please?
No they can’t?
May ask why?
He died?

Pardon?

Yes. He dies. Like that *pooof* dead. I’m not even joking. It really happens like that. One night she sees him and he looks fine but the next day Fuka learns by the Doctor that Sou has died. She goes to see his corpse but the doctor explains that the body has disappeared and that only a flower remains in the coffin. Is that real?! WHY DOES THE NICE GUY HAS TO DIE WHEN UTTER SHITS LIKE DORIAN GRAY ARE ALIVE?!

It’s okay…
I’m not angry at you game…
I’M NOT ANGRY OKAY?!
You better fix things now.

Many months later, Fuka sees Sou again at the Meteor Shower Gathering. He says some weird shit about not being able to be next to her, not belonging to her happy future and stuff but all I was thinking at the time was NO! *bangs fists on the table* NONONONONONONO! IS THIS SUPPOSED TO BE THE HAPPY ENDING?! FUCK THAT! So yeah, he leaves her but she is somehow happy since she knows that he will always be in her heart… I guess? That’s what I understood… It’s a little difficult to understand this ending I must admit.
Ok, let’s stop being salty, maybe the second ending is fixing this bullshit? Who knows?

Ending 2

Soh 6The second ending is almost the same thing, however you’re the one getting sick. Kyrie finds you in the forest brings and you back so that the doctor can help you while Sou is put in Jail. IN JAIL. Yeaaah, they are not laughing on this one.
Then Sou appears in your dreams to tell you that he’s going to erase all your memories of him because he need to and that you’ll have to find happiness somewhere else. At the very end he’s with the wolf gang talking casually to Fuka. Of course she has forgotten about all the stuff that they lived together before, whereas he hasn’t. I’m not sure about the rest of the cast but it doesn’t really matter because…

I ‘M NOT OKAY! WHAT’S THE POINT THIS GAME IS TRYING TO MAKE BY PLAYING WITH MY FEELINGS LIKE THAT?! ” FUCKING WITH ALL THE DUDES IN TOWN IS OKAY BUT BEING HAPPY WITH A SINGLE GUY IS A NO GO ?! ” SCREW THAAAAAT!! SCREWWWWW THAAAAT!!SCREEEEEEEEWWWW EVERYTHIIIIIING.

THE PAIN GUYS
THE PAIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIN
Not the tears because I’m not a pussy who cries for a video game
“Eh, but Charibo, at the end of Pokemon Mystery Dungeon you did…”
SHUT YOUR TRAP MANUEL!!
I have a weakness for characters that disappear in the end OKAY?!

In my opinion, both endings are a bad end so I’m not happy… Well, second ending is better since you can still see Sou every day but what’s the point if Fuka doesn’t remember? That’s a pretty tragic route. BRING THE CANDYMAN BACK ALIVE!

Soh 7

SOU IS FREAKING ADORABLE! Maybe I might be biased because I’ve just played the crap brothel route but I love Sou, he’s just, so sweet. Sure that’s not some hot passionate romance but his story is sad. Although I don’t understand why he has to disappear but I bet it will be revealed in the big ending so for the moment: I LIKE SOU! I’ve only played his route and Caramia plus the brothel one so I can’t really compare with all the other routes of the game, but it sure is better than Kinky route and daddy’s complex one.

Fun fact, Sou’s route did not make me want to sit in the dark and wait until the pain goes away like the Brothel route did. I did not want to end my life by sinking in Bleach like I did after finishing the Brothel route. Which is a good ting… I guess…
I’m a bit sad because, in this review, I couldn’t make as many sex jokes as I wanted to… Everybody knows that sex jokes are the best kind of jokes so I’m a bit disappointed in myself. Even a perverted mind like mine wasn’t able find any kind of sexual implied stuff to joke about in Sou’s route. Oh well, I guess I said that he gives sweets on the street at the beginning, but that’s not a joke, it’s a fact.
If you want sex jokes about candies, you should listen to this song instead, which I dedicate entirely to Sou, never going to forget you man, deep down in the kororo you rest: ? ? ? ?
I like sharing this kind of songs here, now you can finally now my deepest secret: I have the worst music taste in the world…. And I cried at the end of Pokemon Mystery Dungeon… But It’s a really sad game okay?

Provisional ranking of the routes:

1 Sou He’s sweet
2 Caramia Caramia is like a bowl of dry porridge = Boring
3 Brothel I’d rather watch Enzai again.

Coming next on Ozmafia!!: We will try to handle Kyrie, the teasing guy. You can expect a lot of tipping fedoras.

Ozmafia!! [Brothel Route]

“What am I doing with my life?”

tumblr_m3bwv4oim41r4t0w4o1_1280

Sooooo
Mmmhh…
I-I-I I don’t know where to start here…
To give you a little taste of that route you should listen to this: ? ? ? ?
This is again, not very subtle tbut it’s not my fault, really.

There will be some mature content in that review but I’ll try remain as classy as I’m always, you know, really classy ( ? ? ?)( ? ? ?)( ? ? ?)( ? ? ?)
However, I just cannot find metaphors for everything. So if you are uncomfortable with subjects like sex, SM, threesome and kinky shit, don’t read.
I initially wanted to see what happens if you meet Manboy during Sundays. Manboy is the one with White hair aka the cute one. White hair is always superior anyway. So yes I thought there was a route where you can pursue Manboy… and there is, however, it doesn’t just involve Manboy but also Dorian Gray and Alfani. Are you ready for some really romantic stuff? Let’s go.

Fuka comes to the Brothel the first time to see Manboy, of course she does not understand what kind of place it is. For those who did not understand, it’s a whorehouse. Yessssss!!! I know… Super cool right. On her first meeting with Manboy he explains that this place is a cafe , where you relax and meet with other people yeeeeeaaaaaaaaaaah, suuuuuuurrrreeee ” relax with other people” . I get it now ( ? ? ?)( ? ? ?)( ? ? ?)
Also you learn that Kyrie is a regular customer, a top customer of this place, like he has a golden fidelity card to the place if I can put it that way. Somehow that doesn’t surprise me at all.

bro 4Then you meet Alfani, he looks like a girl, sounds like a girl but is a guy. It’s a trap people! Anyway, this dude is annoying, the type of guy to add desu ne at the end of every sentence if you know what I mean. Anyway he kind of says that this is a whorehouse and that he is a prostitute but cuz Fuka or should I say Fucka is clueless, she doesn’t get it. Another day, you meet Alfani on the street, I’m almost sure he was stalking Fucka that creep. He asks you if you’re more S or M. If you say S he’ll be happy, which kind of means that he likes being beaten…. OH also, the thing he’s holding all the time? I thought it was some necklace or fabric but nooooo, it’s a whip ladies and gentlemans. Nice, heh? I know and we’re only getting started.

One day, after another visit to the Brothel, Manboy tells Fucka not to come back anymore and says something like he has fallen in love with her. The same day you also meet with Dorian gray who clearly doesn’t look like a respectable man at all. He basically talks shit about Manboy and invites Fucka in the whorehouse. He puts her in a room with that creepy Alfani and even if nothing is shown of course, well… things might have happened. After that FUCKA RETURNS TO THE BROTHEL and there is Kyrie being all “oh what a surprise to see you here” and pays for her. YES! He says: “put her activities on my bill, let her do as she pleases.” I kind of want to see what kind of ambiance there must be during dinner in the OZ family now.

Bro 1But things are still light at that point. Do you wish to hear more?! WEELLL, Fucka goes back to the brothel another time and this time, it’s time for KINKY SHIT! YEAH! YOUHHHOUUU!! Creepy Alfani gives her a whip and tells “I’ll call you master, treat me as your pet, mess me real good”.

MESS
ME
REAL
GOOD

What the hell am I playing?

The next morning this creep explains that he’s doing this because he likes to make people happy. Yeeeeah… By the way you can notice that the dude clearly has bruises all over his body… After a while he says that he thinks of Fucka even when he’s screwing with someone else which is kind of sweet… I guess… Honestly I don’t even know anymore.

At this point I had lose hope, even more when Kyrie did encourage Fucka and said that, heh, it was okay go to the brothel, he’s not going to stop her. So she goes back again and meets with Dorian Gray who asks her if Alfani is nice with her . She replies “ Not so much, he’s good at what he does but it’s not enough”. I have to admit that I laughed really loudly reading this line. What a horny chick. But … I did not expect the following thing: Dorian Gray putting drugs into Fucka’s glass in order to have an “adult affair” with her. So the next morning Manboy asks you again to not go back to the Brothel for your own sake and mentions that Dorian Gray is also abusing him. NICE NICE NICE NICE NICE! OOOH BUT IT’S NOT OVER YET! NOOOOOOOOOOO

First Ending Bro 2

The next Sunday, Fucka GOES BACK AGAIN, because she’s addicted to the D now. And this time, because she says she wasn’t satisfied enough with Dorian Gray, the latter order Manboy to join the party. So OZ4there you go, a nice little threesome. At this point, I was cringing, but more crying than being amused. I take back what I said about Caramia’s route being tasteless, bring me BACK!
But my suffering did not end here. I’d like to say Fucka’s suffering too, but she was clearly enjoying all that kinky stuff. After the threesome, Dorian Gray declares her dead, so that she can be his sex doll for the rest of her life, chained and everything. Even Alfani is like “youpiii then I could have sex with her all the time“. At this point I thought: HEH, she’s going to regret it now. BUT NOOOOOOOO SHE’S OKAY! SHE’S EVEN HAPPY WITH THE SITUATION! After that everybody sleeps with everybody, and there’s actually some quite described stuff that I did not expect seeing in an Otome game. Like REAAALLY precise stuff, I’m not joking here.
After a while, Manboy helps Fucka to take control of the brothel. Dorian Gray is amused by the situation and accepts to let her control the place and becomes her servent.

A nice feature of the game is that you can rename Dorian Gray the way you want when he’s your servant.
So I had fun:

Oz

OZ5

OZ3

I think Dipshit suits him well.

Second ending:

Bro 5Getting this ending after the first one made me realize that the first ending was actually not that bad compared to the second one. In this ending pretty much the same shit happens. Fucka is chained and locked in the mansion. In this end you learn that Dorian Gray kills the sick prostitutes and isolates the pregnant ones until they give birth. Then he trains the babies to become prostitutes. Niiiiiiiice, niiiiiiiiice. Seriously, this is horrible. I cannot express how much I hate Dorian Gray, he is one of the worst piece of shit I’ve ever seen in my life. Of course I’m aware that dudes like him have existed and are probably still existing and it makes me sick.

But in this end Fucka realizes that she has made a mistake. YOU DON’T SAY!? So she decides to escape. She tries but sick Alfani is here and turns into a S, punishing her for trying to escape. So Manboy tries to help her escaping but she doesn’t want to escape at this point. It’s probably because of Dorian and Alfani abusing her that she has developed a deep Stockholm syndrome. The route ends with Kyrie witnessing Fucka’s submission to Dorian Gray. The last sentence pronounced by Dorian Gray is: ” This is the conclusion she wanted”. And I was sitting behind my computer trying to object like: ” no, not really, I just wanted to end up with the nice white hair guy not to witness that kind of kinky shit.”

Bro 3

I must admit that all this sexual implied stuff is quite funny at the beginning but when shit went down I was asking myself what the hell was I doing with my life. Especially when Dorian Gray arrives…That DIPSHIT! So of course I prefer the first ending when Fucka has the control of the brothel and can screw with whoever she wants, but is this a good end in itself? EEEHHH, not really.
But the part that fucked me up the most was when Fucka goes back to the Brothel again, after Dorian had put drugs in her glass. I mean, I can understand if you like having SM fun with that girlish dude but when a guy puts drugs in your glass you go back?!!

53ecaeb49e3c7

GUUUUUURRRRRL
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU?! WHEN A GUY PUTS DRUGS IN YOUR GLASS IT’S A RED FLAG.
Well, going to the Brothel every week is pretty red flagish in the first place but still.

More than a red flag it’s a black flag it means that you run! YOU RUN AWAY FOR YOU LIFE! YOU AVOID HIM AT ALL COSTS! What is wrong with this girl? Furthermore, I’m sorry but in the OZ family, where she lives, there are 3 hot dudes waiting for her to decide which one she wants to screw. AND IT’S FREE! YEAH! MARK MY WORDS IT’S FREE AT HOME! It’s like going outside in a creepy restaurant to eat some weird shit that you don’t know if it’s not full of bacteria or not, when you can have a deluxe meal at home, with fresh meat, clean and free.
Would you buy expensive tacos in a shit fast food if your dad was a Mexican cook? NO! BECAUSE IT WOULDN’T MAKE ANY SENSE! YOU STAY HOME AND EAT AS MANY BURRITOS AS YOU WISH ( ? ? ?)( ? ? ?)( ? ? ?)( ? ? ?)( ? ? ?)( ? ? ?)( ? ? ?)( ? ? ?)
Aha, I’m having way to much fun writing this, I need to calm down a bit.

You’ve guessed it, I’m not the biggest fan of that kind of stuff. This route looked like a concentration of all the Diabolik lovers content that they did not put in the rest of the routes. I hope there’s a route where I can kill Dorian Gray. I really hope there is. In itself the route is not bad if you’re looking for some fucked up shit. But this route ain’t no romance at all, this is just fucked up things, that kills all your hopes to end up with the nice Manboy.
I laughed first, then I face palmed and now, I’ve developed some kind of allergic reaction to Dorian Gray and Alfani. Whenever I see them in other routes, all my body becomes tense and I can feel the hate overflowing me. Worst thing is, in Caramia route, when you get married, guess who is the priest? YESS! THIS MOTHERFUCKER!! DORIAN GRAY IS THE PRIEST! In french I’would say “Raclure de fond de chiottes” to qualify him, in English I’m going to use Dipshit and Scumbag, which are both doing a great job at describing Dorian Gray.

Coming next on Ozmafia!!: We will move on from all that kinky stuff to find comfort with Soh, the guy who looks like a cream puff.

Ozmafia!! [Caramia Route]

caramia

I finally got the gammmeeeee. I’m going to collect all those damn mafiosos hubandos.

As always, at the beginning of every Otome game, everyone asks himself the same question: Where to start? Who should I pick first? I thought: obviously one of the three main guys who are, in Ozmafia: Caramia, Axel and Kyrie….. Why not going with the one who looks like the prince? You know, the blond, happy, protective guy? The two other choices are the teasing fedora guy and Megane Tsun-Tsun so let’s try the prince type: CARAMIA, the lion of the Oz fairy tale.
It says that he’s the boss of the mafia, which means power and wealth ( ? ? ?)
Also he wears a cape and everybody knows that capes are freaking awesome, like, coolest thing ever, if you don’t wear a cape, you’re only half a man.

capes_are_cool

Furthermore, let’s be honest, he is visually appealing with those cute little fangs man… who can beat cute little fangs…

WAIT A MINUTE!
I’VE SEEN THIS ART STYLE BEFORE!
I’VE SEEN THOSE CUTE LITTLE FANGS BEFORE!

20150410_1623099

AYATOOO! NOOOO!
GO AWAY YOU CREEP!
GO BACK TO DIABOLIK LOVERS!
THIS GAME IS PURE OKAY? NOT TAINTED BY ANY KIND OF SIN!
LET ME LIVE A ROMANCE WITH MR. CARAMIA HERE, AWAY FROM ALL YOUR KINKY BULLSHIT!
Thank you.

Before starting everything, I like to mention that the heroine is total limp noodle. She’s basically like Yui from Diabolik Lovers without the masochist tendencies… actually…she does have some interest in… no… Let’s save this for later.
She doesn’t really make her own choices, or really dumb ones like going alone in a forest to free a guy who has been kidnapped by the bad guys. You know, this kind of shit which causes more trouble than anything else, Well, let me present you Fuka! What’s up with that name by the way?
She literally can’t do anything on her own, she can’t even cut freaking potatoes without cutting herself! She believes everything, doesn’t get any jokes, especially sex jokes, in a nutshell, I wouldn’t invite her to my birthday party. Also she basically screws with every guy of the game. If I had to select a song to describe Fuka, it would be this one: ? ? ? ?
Especially the “You’re switching sides like a Gemini ” part. Yup That’s exactly her.

Caramia.full.1533679 (1)Now a word about the structure of the game, It’s quite tiring actually. For all the main guys, including Caramia, there’s two endings for their main routes. Then there’s something called transfert endings. This is a feature of the game where Fuka decides to suddenly quit the guy’s route which you’ve been following since the beginning to screw with another guy; you quit the guy’s route and end up with another one. So if you want to have the full CG gallery for let’s say Caramia, you have to play all the main guys’s routes in order to get his transfert endings. What makes me laugh if that if you decide to cheat and screw with another guy you get one of those pictures ==========>>>
I don’t know about you, but I clearly see that as a motive to cheating!

Honestly I don’t know how to feel about transfert endings since Fukka decides to change her mind pretty quickly and has sex with the guy the same night, while she’s been in a relationship with the first guy for I don’t know… about 2 months and they’ve only kissed. To put it simply I think this song can sum up the transfert endings in Ozmafia. Beware! Cheesy music ahead: ? ? ? ?
You’ll note the subtle lines: “Boom boom boom boom I want you in my room, let’s spend the night together from now until forever, boom boom boom I want a double booom let’s spend the night together, together in my room”. Oh yeah, here, we are going to be reaaaaallly subtle ( ? ? ?)

In total there’s like 6 endings for each guy that you cannot reach only by playing the guy main route. Also, there’s some subs events and additional CG that you can only obtain the second time you play the route. For this review, I’ve played Caramia’s main route and his transferts endings when you decide to screw with Axel or Kyrie instead of Caramia. I’ve also got Caramia’s rival endings, when I ditched Kyrie for Caramia’s golden Ass. However, I haven’t play the grand finale route so yeah, I’ll probably update the post once I finish this route.

Cara 3So Caramia… where to start? He’s the Don of the Oz family, meaning the chief, even if he seems to delegate a lot of business to Kyrie, the fedora boy. He prefers reading to running outside and wears glasses when he reads just because. Him and Kyrie like to bully Tsun Tsun Axel, taking his money to buy food and insisting on how Alex is embarrassed being around you. But that’s the only time where he’s trolling around in his main route. He is quite bossy, devoted to his family. He protects Fuka but without shouting “I WILL PROTECT U NO MATTER WHAT” which is enjoyable. However, when useless Fuka cuts herself he acts like it’s the end of the world, like “OMG DOCTOR PLZ TREAT HER, SHE’S BLEEDING!” Man, she just cut herself trying to peel a potato, chill.

My main problem with his route is that, not like Kyrie and Axel, he did not show any particular interest in the heroine until the confession moment. Sure he’s protective like all japanese bishounens, but in comparison to the teasing Kyrie and the blushing Axel, he did not seem particularly interested in the heroine’s booty. All they did together was cutting potatoes and playing cards. He also gave her a piggy back ride cuz she got drunk after drinking a sip of alcohol. YEAH! A SIP! THE HEROINE GETS DRUNK AFTER A SIP OF ALCOHOL. I don’t know if it’s because I’m an alcoholic or something but I usually need a whole bottle of wine like 14% to get drunk…. not a sip of Gin Tonic. Who the hell orders a Gin tonic anyway Caramia? Such a pussy drink.

Cara5Anyway, for his love declaration, he explains that he first thought of her as his daughter and then started seeing her a woman at some point and I’m wondering WHEN in the hell that changed occurred… but oh well, maybe they were signs that I did not see… I don’t know… So she says she loves him too and he hugs her… step by step I’m telling you. Also, who the hell, mark my words, WHO IN THE FREAKING HELL, TELLS TO THE GIRL HE LIKES: “first I saw you as my daughter”?!!! I have no words, such a lover Caramia… I-I… That’s some deep Oedipal complex here.
The little time the two of them spend after the declaration is the same as before the love confession: no real improvement, I couldn’t see the difference.They play cards, Caramia says he’s busy being the boss, but that he wants to protect you and stuff nothing really romantic. So let’s talk about the Endings instead.

Ending A

Cara 7

Limp noodle Fuka accepts to be in the OZ family and one day Caramia shoots her in the stomach for no apparent reason just because he mistook her for someone else… HEH BEATS ME! Because of that, she learn that before he was a coward and that this incident made him lose all his courage again so now he’s like ” plz don’t hate me”, “I hate myself”, “I can’t protect you” and cries. He also act like a retard. I’m sorry, but being a coward doesn’t mean that you chase after butterflies all day, talking like a 7 years old.

You know what’s the funniest thing about this? He’s actually showing some affection. He’s like “whiiii butterflies are so pretty but you are more pretty , I love you wiiiiiiii” and I’m not joking. So because now he is a coward, for some reason Fuka has to attend the meetings instead of him. And she get kidnapped by a random dude named Hamelein, who is messing with Caramia’s head by playing with his flute. Hamelein’s flute, not Caramia’s… eh..hum… You get the idea ( ? ? ?)

Anyway, Caramia regains his courage after beating the crap out of the dude and BAM WEDDING! BUT OH NO!The non threatening bishie Cesar, who wants to kill Fuka since the beginning , appears. So Caramia is like “meeeh, let’s postpone the wedding I’m gonna roast his ass”. THE END.

Ending B

Cara 8Basically nothing changes just that when you encounter Hamelin, The coward Caramia doesn’t really fight and Hamelin runs away for some reason. So Caramia stays a pussy lion, afraid of dogs, roads, crowed places but he says he’ll be fine if Fuka stays with him.
Fun thing, when you go in your CG gallery, all the guys make audio comments about the pictures you’re looking at. When you pick the picture where Caramia cries because he’s a coward, the voice actually says something like “ooh his this embarrassing, but yes, I once was this man”. YES IT’S EMBARRASSING! This whole personality switch is embarrassing but I guess it’s unavoidable since the lion in the OZ fairy tale is indeed a coward.

Ok so my feelings after those two endings? It was okay…. I guess… maybe? Thing is, because I couldn’t feel any love, meant as sexual attraction not just affection, coming from Caramia during his route both his endings left a strange taste, the taste of indifference with a sip of disappointment . I did not have high hopes for his route since I don’t particularly like the “prince ” personality, but COME ON! At least show us some interest!

Transfert endings

Cara2Fuka can decide to seek attention with Kyrie who actually proposed her to ditch Caramia’s ass for his. This can happen because Caramia refuses to explain her stuff about his past, so she’s like “oh ok, better have sex with Kyrie then”, GURL! GURL!
And the worst part! The worst part is that Caramia who, after learning that Fuka opened her legs for Kyrie, when she was supposed to be his girlfriend, says the next morning: ” it’s okay, he told me, let’s be friends ok? “. OKAY?! DUDE? She cheated on you for no reason and you’re like “oh k , it’s cool”. Man, he did not care that much after all.
If you refuse Kyrie’s proposition he’ll say that it was just a ruse to make you and Caramia closer. YEEEEEEEEAAAAAAHH…. OOOOF COUUURSE! Man I haven’t played Kyrie’s main route yet, but I already know that you cannot trust this guy.

If you choose Axel as your transfert ending, it’s almost the same thing expect this time, Caramia kind of dump you before you cheat on him which is more acceptable… I guess? He basically says that he’s too busy to make you happy and tells you to go with Axel cuz he’ll make you happier which Fuka does right after and spend the night with the guy

Fun thing, Caramia is way more lovely if you switch to him after pursuing another dude. It’s in those times that he is a real beast. If you know what I mean ( ? ? ?)( ? ? ?) ( ? ? ?) ( ? ? ?) ( ? ? ?) ( ? ? ?) ( ? ? ?) ( ? ? ?) ( ? ? ?) ( ? ? ?) ( ? ? ?) ( ? ? ?) ( ? ? ?) ( ? ? ?) ( ? ? ?) ( ? ? ?) ( ? ? ?) ( ? ? ?) ( ? ? ?) ( ? ? ?) ( ? ? ?) ( ? ? ?) ( ? ? ?) ( ? ? ?) ( ? ? ?) ( ? ? ?) ( ? ? ?) ( ? ? ?) ( ? ? ?) ( ? ? ?) ( ? ? ?) ( ? ? ?) ( ? ? ?) ( ? ? ?) ( ? ? ?) ( ? ? ?) ( ? ? ?) ( ? ? ?) ( ? ? ?) ( ? ? ?) ( ? ? ?) ( ? ? ?) ( ? ? ?) ( ? ? ?) ( ? ? ?)
Indeed, Caramia is more interesting when you are playing someone’s else route and switch to him. He is lovely, he actually trolls Kyrie and Axel, he is cool and is interested in Fuka, not as his daughter but as his “prey” if I might say this without being too cheesy. In Kyrie’s route he gets mad at him for treating you like shit and making you cry so the two of them actually fight over you. THAT’S WHAT I WANTED! But not in Kyrie’s route. He is what I wanted but not in his route and that’s tooooo baaad.Cara 6

To put it simply: In his own route, he’s a nice guy. That’s it, like he’s kind but if you’re looking for hot steaming passion you better look somewhere else. He showed no interest in the main heroine during his main route so he’s a bit tasteless. It’s like dating your big brother or worst, your dad or some kind of uncle. That’s not my kind of thing so I pass.
In all the other routes, he’s the kind of guy I would go after. I know it’s complicated right? Too bad he can’t be cool in his own route, that’s quite a shame.
However, I do forgive his lack of attention. Why you may ask ? Because he wears a cape… and has cute fangs. Guys, cape and fangs… How can you even compete with that?

Coming Next on Ozmafia!!: The Brothel Route where we learn that kinky does not always rhyme with funny ( ? ? ?)( ? ? ?)( ? ? ?)( ? ? ?)