Nurse Witch Komugi-chan R Episodes 11 + 12 [Genericy The Generic Ending] [Final Impression]

The best way to describe watching this show is like eating a piece of stale white bread. Yeah it’s technically food, yeah it won’t make you sick, but it’s bland, flavorless, and hard to chew. That is the best comparison I can think of for this series. And thank god the loaf of bread it finally over.

Every single minute of this show pissed me off. From beginning to end. Everything made me frustrated, bored, or mad. Plot threads were introduced, then forgotten about, endings were thrown in, and characters were introduced when they shouldn’t have existed in the first place. I just….fuck it. fuck it. let’s just review these final two episodes so I can stop talking about this shitty show.

So episode 11 opens with up a young girl being sad that she’s alone all the time. That’s pretty much all you need to know.

Alone? She probably has to be with a stylist ALONE for four hours a day for THAT hair, am I right?

Alone? She probably has to be with a stylist ALONE for four hours a day for THAT hair, am I right?

It turns out that this girl’s name is Leilei. (at least i think it is. I really don’t fucking care) And she’s an insanely popular idol from America.

(Sigh)

I hate when they do this. Yes. Yes we have popular singers in America. Yes they hold concerts. But we do not have what Japan considers “idols” in the states. There’s a culture that goes along with the concept of idols and America doesn’t do that. Especially with the whole “little girl with a stuffed animal” look. That is a cultural thing. That would not be considered cute in America, that would be considered creepy if you were a fan. If you were to ask any American about idols they’d be like “um..you mean like ‘American Idol’?” Because it’s not a thing we have. Argh. I’m one minute in and this concept already pisses me off.

So she comes to Japan and her company starts stealing all of the airtime and jobs from the other models including cancelling the announcement of an anime. (sigh) (puts face in hands) I just….THIS is the conflict of your magical girl show? THIS is what you deem important enough to make into a series when this isn’t your main focus? Remember that whole Fan card thing? Is…is that still important? Or are we caring about missed gigs?

Magical powers? oh shit! I forgot that was a thing!

Magical powers? oh shit! I forgot that was a thing!

You know, speaking of bullshit, I actually just started watching [email protected] and I realized something very interesting. First of all, this show came out over 3 years ago, and, guess what, there’s an idol character who’s girly but her idol persona is being a tomboy. GEE? SOUND FUCKING FAMILIAR?!

I’ve only seen 2 episodes of that series, and i’m already more invested in this stupid motherfucking piece of 12 episode crap. Ugh. i’m going to give myself a brain aneurysm. Where was I?

Oh yeah, so the three, having a day off go to the amusement park, where they run into the American idol, who, for no reason at all, speaks perfectly fluent Japanese. BECAUSE WHY THE FUCK NOT. This is a trope that really pisses me off. When Americans just straight up speak fluent Japanese for no other reason that “we’re too fucking lazy to have her speak English and put Japanese subtitles or come up with a reason of why she would speak Japanese”.

So her and the three become friends. Yay! Friendship!

This? This right here? This is apparently friendship

This? This right here? This is apparently friendship

After they separate, they find out that she’s going to sing at the Tokyo Dome. You know, that thing that they’ve been trying to do for the whole series. Because you know, having this giant lofty goal set up by the characters, it’s totally cool to have a random character that we’ve never heard from before just come in and do the thing the three main characters have been vying for their whole lives. No, no, that’s fine. Really. Just belittle the point of the series. Really, it’s fine. I don’t give a shit anymore.

So I bet you’re wondering where those mascot animals have been this episode. Well, they have literally been on vacation. No, that’s the actual reason they gave for their absence. They were visiting their homeworld. WHICH APPARENTLY YOU CAN TAKE A BUS TO.

(smashes head on table) HOW THE FUCK DO YOU TAKE A BUS TO- lkdfjsakdlfklajsfkls

(smashes head on table) HOW THE FUCK DO YOU TAKE A BUS TO- lkdfjsakdlfklajsfkls I hate everything in this show

However, they then sense a monster and get off the bus. And the monster then proceeds to kick the shit out of them. And that’s where episode 11 ends.

Fuck I have one more of these? Goddamn it. Fine.

Episode 12 picks up with the three girls finding their mascots having been beaten up. Oh yeah. and I forgot to mention the monster stole all their Fan – C cards. Because of course it did. All three of the mascots recognize LeiLei as the monster, so the girls go to investigate at her concert.

They sense a monster so they all excuse themselves to transform. They do, and they find out that the doll she always carries around was the monster that possessed her and she is using the power of all the Fan-C cards to make everyone love her.

...I can't believe I just typed that. This plot is so fucking stupid.

…I can’t believe I just typed that. This plot is so fucking stupid.

Then, with the power of the three of them combined, they defeat the evil and she turns good again. Huzzah.

Okay, I may have just made this climax seem incredibly rushed, boring, and uninteresting. But that’s only because it was. There are several reasons that this was uninteresting and didn’t work.

  1. This leilei chick was just introduced last episode. She came straight out of the writer’s ass so we had no desire to see her be saved, we had no point of reference for her, and her motivation seemed weak at best, and her origin was rushed and fucking stupid.
  2. The only thing these girls ever do is use their special move. And the special move never fails. For an example that I have used in the past, let’s go back to Sailor moon. There were times when her special move didn’t fucking work. And that made it interesting. Without fail EVERY SINGLE TIME their special move has worked. You have no reason to think it WON’T work, and it’s boring.
  3. They spend so little time on the “Magical Girl” Aspect of the series that it really leaves you with so many questions you don’t even know where to begin like “Why are there Fan-C cards?” “who made these magical girl powers?” “Why did one of the monster cards want to help Leilei?” “Who made the Fan C-Cards?” Now for anybody who’s saying that they may have answered any of these questions in episode 1, that brings me to the point of, These things should be important to a series. If I don’t know WHY someone’s doing something just saying “oh well they mentioned it offhandedly in episode 1 once” isn’t a good answer.

Oh yeah. And I forgot to mention (because I knew you were biting your nails wondering if this was going to happen) Blonde chick and cross haired dick end up together. ….yayyyyyyyy (twirls finger unenthusiastically)

I just...I don't fucking care

I just…I don’t fucking care

You know what would have been a twist? If he ended up NOT liking her in that way and they had to continue on with their lives with that knowledge. You know, maybe a sort of realistic twist ending? But nope. NOPE. Gotta go with the stock, uninspired Hollywood ending because this show couldn’t have an original thought in its fucking head. So sure. Pair together the two characters who shouldn’t even exist and were invented for this series and weren’t even IN the original.

Why did they focus so much of the screentime on these two fuckers? If i’m watching a series revamp of an older series I loved, why, dear god why would you invent two new characters that had NOTHING to do with the original and have them take up 1/2 of the entire series? Why? Seriously. Why?

Oh yeah. The epilogue. The rabbit thing comes back and tells Komugi that more bad shit is going down and she has to become a magical girl again.

Pfff you go ahead. I won't be around for this shit.

Pfff you go ahead. I won’t be around for this shit.

This series is the most uninspired shit I have seen in a long long time. I feel like simply typing this review isn’t adequate to describe how much of a letdown this series was and everything that is wrong with it. I would write a college thesis on how this series failed to deliver on every single possible level.

A perfect example of wasted potential is Koyori’s changing personality when she hits her head and how she becomes a dominatrix. It was VERY lightly touched upon in this series, almost as a nod to the original, but then it’s completely forgotten about. She was a main villain of the original because of this, but this was completely forgotten about and never used to become anything interesting whatsoever. This is the level of shit they do here.

In the old series the bad guys came from a virus world. Hence why she was a NURSE. See how that works? She was a nurse and therefore had to defeat viruses. HOLY CRAP! SENSE MAKING! In this one they brought in a much more subdued version of Koyori (and…changed her name for some strange reason) and also added Mary Sue Nun girl.

i have already bitched long and hard about the fact that they brought in these new characters for absolutely no reason considering they had a PLETHORA of characters to choose from in the original series, but it’s something that has to be repeated. EVERYTHING was stripped from the original. The comedy, the charm, the wit, EVERYTHING.

This series did not feel like a magical girl show. It felt like someone was trying to rip off [email protected] and realized they had to throw some magical girl stuff in there so they didn’t get sued.

Yep...totally original shit here.

Yep…totally original shit here.

I..I can’t keep this up. fuck this show.

Episode 11: 4/10

Episode 12: 2/10

Head: This plot had so much potential. SO MUCH potential. An updated version of Komugi? This should have been fucking hilarious! But it wasn’t. The plot was dull, it was overdone, they tried to play it so straight it hurt. The characters were bland, the story went nowhere, and everything involved in the story was dragged out, until the end where an ending was rushed and felt very forced. With a few rare exceptions like the episode with Komugi and the ninja challenge, I normally couldn’t stand this show. ESPECIALLY the episodes with Blonde fuck. Also, it’s boring and a ripoff.

Head: 3/10

The art….was okay. I’m personally a fan of the original more, but that’s because it was overexaggerated and fun. This time around they toned it down and you could tell from the start it was meant to be more family friendly than the previous series. There are a few art things that bug me though. Like….why the shiny hair balls. The fuck is up with that?

seriously. the fuck are those?

seriously. the fuck ARE those?

Eye 6.5

Heart:

Oh my god could this series have dropped the ball any harder with this? I don’t think so. There was NO heart in this show. I didn’t feel ANYTHING other than boredom, annoyance, or hatred for the entire series. At least for a series like Vanadis I could FEEL hatred. This….THIS I couldn’t feel a damn thing. It’s like I had a feeling-ectomy. Nearly every single episode I sat here in a dumbstruck stupor. This was by far one of the stripped down, basic, by the numbers, uninspired pieces of trash I have ever seen. THIS is a series that was made by a “by the numbers” corporate board meeting. It has every trope you can think of, but they forgot to include the love. Even shows that are TERRIBLE by my standards, I can at least feel that there was some love involved. But this. THIS really feels like someone fed anime tropes into a machine and it spat out a script. This was so painful to watch. I really wanted to stop. I really did. And trust me. If I wasn’t reviewing it, I would have stopped.

Heart 2/10

Total score: 3.83/10

Seriously. Fuck this show. I do not recommend it. DO NOT WATCH IT. If you want to watch this series, watch the old OVA. it’s far more enjoyable and will actually make you laugh. This isn’t worth being a doorstop or a really expensive coaster.

But man…. Fuck this show. I’m done. I’m just…I’m done.

-Hideki

(me having watched the final two episodes back to back)

(me having watched the final two episodes back to back)

Gate Episodes 23 + 24 [Wait…It’s Over?] [Final Impressions]

Well, after all this time, 2 seasons (split apart by a season in the middle even) Gate is finally over. Am I sad that it’s over?Actually yeah. I really enjoyed this show and i’m not happy to see it go. It was one of the few shows in the past while that i’ve really gotten into and wanted to see more. (especially with Rory) However, while all terrible shows must end, so must the good shows. So the question is, did the series end with a whimper or a bang? Well let’s perform a double dose of reviews and do this one more time.

So episode 23 starts up with the army rescuing the kidnapped pro-peace senators. And…it really does go off without a hitch. It’s pretty straight forward. They rush in, kick everyone’s ass, and take back the prisoners.

ow my ass! ...and the rest of my body!

ow my ass! …and the rest of my body!

After a while, the Japanese then just start parachuting in.

haha i love that reaction. he's like

haha i love that reaction. he’s like “…da fuck?”

meanwhile, back at that battle at the jade palace, the SDF shows up and, you guessed it, wrecks the rest of the guys.

I don't normally post this many pictures, but i mean...my words can't describe the hilarity properly

I don’t normally post this many pictures, but i mean…my words can’t describe the hilarity properly

And really, the reason that i didn’t review this episode by itself last week is because this is all that happens in this episode. The SDF shows up and rescues everybody. Everything goes flawlessly and the only casualty is that some random guy gets shot in the arm with an arrow. But he ends being being fine later anyway.

The blonde knight lady tries to go back for the princess, but that doesn’t work, so the SDF saves her and the purple haired one (fuck I don’t know their names)

Awww yeah. Give that interdimensional being some sweet sweet japanese loving.

Awww yeah. Give that interdimensional being some sweet sweet japanese loving.

and that’s really all that happens in this episode.

So we’ll jump to 24 where the series wraps up and stuff actually happens.

So our main heroes show up and go like “yeah, we’re going to rescue the princess.” That’s about the time that the rest of his team from season one also show up and say they’re going to help.

Here's the plan. Since no one on our side ever dies, let's just walk up through the front gate and grab her. ... Actually i'm not joking. That's their plan.

Here’s the plan. Since no one on our side ever dies, let’s just walk up through the front gate and grab her. … Actually i’m not joking. That’s their plan.

Our main guy then decides to just say “fuck it” and take Rory and Leilei and walk through the front door to talk to the prince.

No joke, they walk through the front door

No joke, they walk through the front door

I love this scene because the prince is all “mwahaha I will be ready by the time they show up to save you” and they show up 10 seconds later. That was pretty goddamn hilarious actually.

He tells them that he won’t let her go so he sends an ogre after them. And they kick its ass. They grab the princess and start to leave. When the prince tries to protest, a sniper bullet zooms by his head. After this, they take the princess and go.

After escaping the castle in the truck, They apparently also rescued the emperor who wasn’t dead, but the poison just made him weak somehow. But when they start talking he conveniently wakes up.

I took the

I took the “perfect time to wake up from a coma” class taught by Jey from Tribe Cool Crew

He then makes the princess the official leader of the people as he decides to retire.

We then cut to her coronation where we find out that the blonde chick has been seeing the sdf dude and she’s pregnant, the purple haired chick started seeing the guy who caught her and….of all people, the guy who got stabbed started seeing the bunny girl who he shot. …yeah…I…I don’t have much to say about that pairing….I…I really don’t.

um...what would you call this? bloodshipping?

um…what would you call this? bloodshipping?

and of course the 12 year old is paired with that ambassador guy. I’ve actually scoured the internet trying to figure out this guy’s age, but I can’t find ANYTHING. However, based on the fact that he’s an ambassador i’m going to guess at the YOUNGEST he’s about 25. Which… (snicker) that’s pretty terrible show. Wow.

(snicker)

(snicker)

Anyway, i’m sure you’re wondering what happened to stupid ass bunny girl, right? Well, turns out that she runs away with her tail between her legs (haha get it? because she’s a bunny girl?) and even though she’s getting her revenge she’s sad.

awww poor baby

awww poor baby

See, i’d feel worse for you if you didn’t send out assassins to kill innocent people and put ideas in the princes head to do terrible terrible things. As it stands, you can go fuck yourself.

So we only have one more scene left. It turns out that Itami isn’t at the party because it’s one year later and it’s time for that doujinshi event he missed last year because of the attack. When he arrives however, Leilei, the elf, and Rory show up too. Because of this, the police grab the four of them and take them somewhere safe away from the throngs of people much to Itami’s dismay.

Itami. Just saying bro. you better hit that.

Itami. Just saying bro. you better hit that.

And that’s where the series ends.

So yeah….the series doesn’t exactly end in a perfect nice little package, but it ends nicely enough. Basically this is one of those endings where if they really wanted to, (aka it makes enough money) they COULD make a third season and it wouldn’t feel forced. But they could also end it here and a lot of people would be satisfied. Of course i’m not one of those people, but that’s just because I really like this show.

ALSO BECAUSE RORY AND ITAMI AREN’T A COUPLE YET!

Yeah, gotta say, if you haven’t guessed, I AM quite the Rory fan. In fact, I saw THIS up for preorder the other day. No way in HELL I could justify it….but man do I want it.

preor

This series was interesting. It was one of those “none of the main cast dies” series…but for once, I don’t really care. It was weird for me to see a series where all the main characters are crazy overpowered and yet…I was still cheering them on. It’s very strange to see that. Normally when a character is not the underdog you don’t really care if they succeed. But I actually felt sucked into the story and DID care for what was going on.

To me, the most interesting characters were Rory and Itami. The rest I could take or leave. Leilei was….okay nothing special, and the elf chick kind of annoyed me for being all “where’s dad?” for half the series. We all know what I think of Bunny girl and the prince as villains as well as everyone else, but that aside, they all seem to work together and make a very entertaining show.

Episode 23 was funny and entertaining, but the problems were the same that a lot of the other episodes had. It didn’t focus a lot on the main characters, and while enjoyable to watch everything go right for the good guys, there were no real named people I cared about as they were all still on their way there. It would have worked better as half an episode rather than the whole thing dragged out.

6/10

Episode 24 though was pretty enjoyable I must say. I really wished it was wrapped up more concisely, however I suppose that has to do with the whole “possibility of a season 3” thing.

Seriously...why you no hit that?

Seriously…why you no hit that?

Episode 7.5/10

Would I like there to be a season 3? Yes. Yes I would. True the series COULD wrap up here, but I feel like there’s more stories that could be told. The prince is still alive and things haven’t quite wrapped up with him yet I believe. Also…the pied piper’s still out there so that would be cool if they brought him back. The gate is also still there and hasn’t closed as they said that it eventually will. So until that gate closes there are stories to tell, INCLUDING PAIRING RORY AND ITAMI TOGETHER DAMN IT. (yes this broken record will keep spinning)

Head: Great idea. I think it was very interesting to have the good guys be the overpowered ones. It worked in a way where unlike Yugioh or One Punch Man, that although they were overpowered it was still in a way that they could be defeated and I found it very compelling. A lot of the plot did annoy me at times like how the bad guys’ plan was just to throw more soldiers at the invincible people, but that added to the hilarity in a way. There were episodes that I felt there were unnecessary things, but it didn’t detract from the entire series overall. I kind of just forgot those episodes were there. (like the adventure of 12 year old running away girl) 7/10

Eye: The art was extremely good. The females looked very cute and the guys looked masculine. The scenes in Japan were cool and across the gate were very pretty.

wow....that is a really nice day isn't it?

wow….that is a really nice day isn’t it?

Eye 8/10

Heart: This is the spot where it could get patchy at times. Some of the episodes had really good emotional scenes and then you had things where they tried to make you feel bad for the bunny girl or something stupid like that. There were times I could just not get invested. Like when they introduced all those dark elves just to die. That was more funny than anything. Also, even though it was a while ago, they really did make the other country leaders look like douches. That was pretty funny though. All in all…. the feelings were…….okay. 6/10

total score 21/30 = 7/10

A solid show. I think this series would have ranked a bit higher though if Itami HAD ended up with Rory definitively but that’s just my own personal preference. If you don’t like that pairing that’s fine, I’m just adding my own two cents of personal opinion.

All in all, do I recommend this show? Yes. Yes I do. I would say if you want to see a show where the underdog is not the good guy but they can’t just go around punching all their problems away, I recommend giving this a go. Oh well, it looks like it’s time to say goodbye to gate one last time. Peace out Gate. See you on the other side.

-Hideki

Ojisan To Marshmallow Episode 12 [Final Impressions]

Well after all that has happened with this damn show, I can at least say, it’s over. I can finally put this stupid ridiculous nonsense behind me and move on with my life. Thank. God. I can’t say this series was ever enjoyable. I can’t say it was ever bearable. But at least I can say, it’s over. So there’s that. So with that, I’m actually happy to say, let’s recap an episode, one more time.

So the episode picks up immediately where the last one ended off. The creepy girl goes to find marshmallow guy with the two marshmallow girls using a scent that marshmallow people love. Unfortunately, they love them too, so they become effectively useless.

GG guys. GG.

GG guys. GG.

Smelling this, marshmallow guy runs back and into creepy girl. They then start to talk about stuff. She eventually tells him that she likes him and he brushes it off as that she’s drunk. Because, you know, he’s an idiot. She asks about the child and woman she saw before, but he states that that was just his sister and niece. Because yeah. that makes sense to call your uncle “papa”. (they try to explain this but it’s stupid)

no, your niece is just an idiot

no, your niece is just an idiot

During this conversation he finds out though that creepy girl doesn’t hate him because she teases him all the time and he’s happy about this. They head back to the group and we cut to them at the amusement park again, this time, him asking her for a marshmallow.

the fuck is up with this dude and marshmallows?

the fuck is up with this dude and marshmallows?

Argh this ending was so contrived and stupid. I’m sorry. you can’t be a creepy, violent, stalker chick for the entire length of the series, and then get everything you want in the end just because the main guy realizes you’re not a terrible person to HIM. I not only didn’t CARE about these two, I didn’t WANT her to get what she wanted as the only things she did to get him were underhanded and frightening.

This show has very fucked up morals. It’s basically saying that if you like someone, just keep being a creepy fuck and it will eventually work out. Oh, and if you are nice at the way end, that makes up for everything. Look, I know the guy isn’t the greatest looker in the world, but he can do better than this crazy bitch. If it were me, i’d stay as far away as possible.

This is not the face of a girl you want to date.

This is not the face of a girl you want to date.

I have said from the beginning that I hated these two’s dynamic and that didn’t change for the better as the series progressed. In fact, it got much worse. There’s nothing really redeemable about this show. It’s about terrible people wanting to get relationships with terrible people. I didn’t care or like a single character in this show. And as i’ve said in the past, if the episodes hadn’t been 3 minutes long, i would not have made it past episode 2.

That being said, let’s jump to the scores.

Head: The plot is stupid. It’s about a yandere in love with Forrest gump. He likes marshmallows. That’s all this series has going for it. The episodes didn’t go anywhere, the plot didn’t go anywhere, and nothing happened. 3/10

Eye: I mean…it was pretty. I have to give it that. The series was shiny and nice and I didn’t want to close my eyes at the art. You know, when I have really bad shows, the eye is really the only score that I can’t really give terrible results too because nine out of ten times, the art is usually pretty good, even in a terrible show. So..you know…find. 7.5/10

Heart: nope. there was none. No feelings. This series failed on every level with this. Straight up super fail. 2/10

Total 12.5/30 = 4.1/10

Seriously, all in all. Even though the episodes are only 3 minutes long, it’s not worth it. Do something more constructive with that three minutes…like…watch an AMV or something.

Fuck you bitch you don't deserve a happy ending. I'm just going to assume you died or something.

Fuck you bitch you don’t deserve a happy ending. I’m just going to pretend you died or something.

I’M DONE! YES!

-Hideki

Nurse Witch Komugi-chan R Episode 1 [Now With 50% More Ritalin!] [First Impression]

You know, I’ve never really been a big fan of magical girl shows. I just haven’t. You could say it’s because I’m a guy, sure, but I feel that any show should be able to transcend the gender and age gap and still be good. I mean Pretear sucked but Madoka was okay…. and um… I’m sure I’ll think of another one at some point. (Other than Sailor Jupiter, Venus, and Jedite, I found Sailor Moon to be REALLY REALLY boring)

However, about a decade ago, I saw an OVA called Nurse Witch Komugi. And I loved it. Why did I love it? Well, it was short, sweet, and it was extremely self referential and treated itself as a parody of the genre with over the top comedy and flat out making fun of how insane the genre is in itself. So when I heard that they were going to make a series based on it, I was really excited. Yes, a lot of it was nostalgia, but that can be a strong tool.

Unfortunately, this can lead to some major disappointment if the material isn’t treated with the same care the original was. to me, THIS is Nurse Witch Komugi

Ah old Komugi

Ah old Komugi

Instead, for some reason, to which I cannot understand or figure out, this series….gets toned down. So yes. Instead of being a comedic parody, They decide, at least in the first episode, to take this pretty much as a straight, generic, magical girl show. And honestly, it is really really lackluster and disappointing. However, I guess I should tell you the plot. All right fine.

So the episode starts up with Komugi having a generic dream about becoming a famous pop idol.

Because you know...never seen that one before

Because you know…never seen that one before

She wakes up to find that she has to go to school. It turns out that she actually IS an idol, but not a very famous one. Her friend Koyori is also an idol, but is more popular than her and actually has made appearances in some movies.

After Koyori has to go to work on the movie, Komugi is walking down the street and sees a little mascot, rabbit thing being picked on, so she saves it and puts bandages on it.

Because you know THAT wasn't done before either

Because you know THAT wasn’t done before either

Okay. Before I move on. A few things.

  1. If they were trying to make it a joke that this is overdone, they make no joke here. They play this ‘saving the small thing’ entirely seriously like it’s the first time anyone’s done it. I didn’t sense any tongue-in-cheek and there was a LOT of missed potential in this scene

2. HOW did they fuck up his design? I mean look.adsfjkl

How exactly did they fuck that up? He looks NOTHING like he did last time. It’s not exactly a hard design to copy. I mean, I can’t draw and “I” could draw that. You made everyone else look the same so why did you change that? Oh no wait. Hang on a sec. They didn’t, did they? This is Koyori now.

vlcsnap-2016-01-11-21h12m55s068

This is Koyori from the original OVA

wpshrine_Nurse_Witch_Komugi_307_1600x1200

Now, I’m not saying that it’s necessarily BAD to de-sexualize a character that was originally a certain way, but the entire point of her character in the original OVA was that she had two personalities and was basically batshit insane evil half the time. She was SUPPOSED to be crazy and over the top. Her entire POINT was to be super hot, over the top, and comedic.

Direct from Wikipedia “The story of the anime itself is basically a parody of the magical girl anime genre.”

They literally take EVERYTHING out of it that makes it a parody and are turning it into a generic, boring magical girl show to which I say “Why the fuck would you do that?”

Anyway to continue, the mascot says that he’s grateful and wants to make her a magical girl to thank her. She refuses and goes off to her concert, which is really singing for a pharmacy. She finishes it well enough and decides to go home.

The mascot shows up again and asks her to become a magical girl again. She refuses but then a cockroach shows up and she agrees to become one if he’ll get rid of it.

You seriously have to blur it out? I mean....wasn't Terraformers a thing?

You seriously have to blur it out? I mean….wasn’t Terraformers a thing?

He does, but she has to head over to the movie studio because it turns out that she has received a small part as a middle school student.

However, upon arriving at the studio a movie camera gets turned into a monster through some weird magic and the mascot senses it, and tells her that she has to transform. She does and then we get to pretty much the ONLY funny part of the episode that if you blink, you miss it. This villain’s power is to transform something into its funny film version if it hits it with its beam. and he fires at a standee of these guys

vlcsnap-2016-01-11-21h24m38s151

Which….if you’ve been reading my reviews, you’ll find this funny, and they turn into this.

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Yep. That’s right. In a quick second joke, they decided to rip on Yoru No Yatterman. Which….Is funny to me because I find it amusing that THIS show has the balls to rip on Yoru No Yatterman. Their first episode kicked ass. What’s your excuse Komugi?

Eventually she defeats it and gets its card. Because…you know…THAT’S never been done before.

Earth, wind, shadow, wood, sword, thunder, power, sleep

Earth, wind, shadow, wood, sword, thunder, power, sleep

She goes back to do her scene but oh boy, she missed it. And that’s where the episode ends basically.

This first episode…did not impress me. The original OVA had such a fun, parody charm to it that made me laugh and find amusement in it, even though i’m not really a fan of the magical girl genre. However, this series seems to have ripped out anything that even remotely existed in the original.

You can’t just copy ideas from other magical girl shows and call it “a parody”. If you don’t bring attention to it, and it isn’t for comedy, that’s just you blatantly ripping things off. A parody scene would be her getting her getting the card, then saying “that’s fucking stupid” and ripping the card up watching the mascot freaking out. THAT’S an attempt at comedy. Goddamn it man, MOETAN was more of a parody, and that show was pretty goddamn creepy as it was.

They can’t even get the original source material right. The whole point of her being a NURSE WITCH was that she fought viruses from powers from the planet Vaccine. Not that she fought random evil. She heals people and fights viruses. Hence the NURSE part.

I know people sometimes want to take series on different routes. Hell, as you know, I LOVED Attack on Titan Junior High, but that had a purpose. I just don’t see the need to take a show that was basically made as a parody, and turn it into a generic magical girl show. I..I just don’t see it.

Because lord knows we don't have enough generic magical girl shows

Because lord knows we don’t have enough generic magical girl shows

Head: They really dropped the ball on this. A full on parody series of the magical girl genre had SO SO SO much potential. Especially with the series that have come out recently? You could have made this batshit insane and made some great jokes, including of Madoka! I don’t know WHY they toned everything down 90% to the point that this series, other than the artwork is COMPLETELY unrecognizable. I don’t even know what this show is anymore. This episode was VERY generic, VERY long, and VERY boring. The plot dragged, it has been done 1000 times before, and failed at the one thing it was supposed to be. Funny. 3/10

Eye: The art in the original OVA was better (as OVAs tend to be) but this is really the one thing I can’t complain about. It’s still very pretty and the artwork does remind me of the old days. So it gets points for that. Eye: 7/10

You got lucky show

You got lucky show

Heart: As of the first episode, I don’t give a single solitary crap about any of these characters. I know I’ve used the word “Generic” a LOT in this review, but that’s the best way to describe it. I remember everyone in this OVA having emotions that were larger than life. Here they’re subdued and act like every magical girl character ever. This isn’t Nurse Witch Komugi, this is “Generic Magical girl show #492”

I am not saying that people shouldn’t take chances on old properties. I’m not saying that. I’m also not saying that everything should stay the same as it was due to nostalgia. What I AM saying, is perhaps taking a parody series and revamping it to be serious……isn’t the best idea. That would be like taking Excel Saga and remaking the entire series to be as serious as the one where she gets shot. It’s odd, and it doesn’t fit for longer than a joke. If they ran most of this episode as serious as a JOKE and towards the end they realized they couldn’t keep it up anymore and broke down, THAT would have been hilarious. But they don’t. They play it straight and every character I come across is a boring, useless nothing. I don’t care about anyone, and I don’t even know what their plight is. 3/10

Total: 4.3/10

Honestly, this show made me sad. I expected so much and got so little. Am I going to keep watching? Well….I’m going to try at least a few more episodes and see how it goes. I’m not ready to give up yet. Maybe it gets better….I don’t know. I’m just hoping that somewhere in there is the show I loved. Maybe it will come back…maybe.

Watching: I guess
Blogging: ….for now.

-Hideki

Ojisan To Marshmallow Episode 1 [Stalker and Fat Guy] [First Impressions]

Ah, time for another short. Not since Wakako Zake have I decided to pick one of these guys up. However, I figured that maybe it was time to try another one. So what is the plot this time? Well it’s about a girl who’s a little too obsessed about being in a romantic relationship with a fat guy who likes marshmallows….and……. that’s pretty much it. However, I suppose I should break down what little DOES happen in these three minutes. So, here we go.

The episode starts up with the girl asking the fat guy if he wants a marshmallow. However, being shy he’s unable to say he wants one. Being as such, she won’t give him one unless he admits it.

So...THIS is the guy that gets you all hot and bothered?

So…THIS is the guy that gets you all hot and bothered?

He tries to grab one, however unsuccessful, and the coworkers take this as playful teasing on each of their parts.

(shifts eyes) love..i guess?

(shifts eyes) love..i guess?

Also, if you weren’t sure that she had a thing for him, this is how she offers him one later.

Subtlety? Bitch, this is a 3 minute short. We don't have TIME for subtlety.

Subtlety? Bitch, this is a 3 minute short. We don’t have TIME for subtlety.

The episode then progresses to the fat guy going to the store to buy some marshmallows. However, creepy stalker girl beat him to it and bought out all of marshmallows refusing to give him any. Eventually though she gives in and says she’ll give him a bag if he gives her a baby. (don’t…think that’s an even trade there)

He of course not understanding because he’s a fat doof buys her a can of baby sardines.

herpaderp!

herpaderp!

However, her reaction isn’t mad, she actually talks about how she’s going to cherish the sardines as a gift. And that’s where the episode ends.

This…is a strange show. First off it’s strange to see a fat guy be a love interest like this. You don’t see it very often. There hasn’t really been much explained so far on that matter, but i’m chalking that up to 1st episodeitis. Still…it’s kept my interest up for 3 minutes so…that’s good at least.

Head: What is there to say? The plot is this girl likes this fat guy and he likes marshmallows. I mean…the plot isn’t going to win an Emmy or anything. Yes it’s a short, so they have to pick and choose what they want to say as well as make it extremely quick but I guess they got their idea across well enough. He likes marshmallows, she likes him. There you go.

That sure is some deep plot right there

That sure is some deep plot right there

Still, They haven’t explained anything yet like why she likes him so much. Which i’m sure is a part of the plot that’s going to come. Also maybe an inclusion of another character will come too? Who knows. Either way, the plot is simple enough, yet leaves me with enough questions to keep going. It didn’t overstay its welcome which is nice (Coughoremonogataricough). Head: 6/10

Eye: The animation is all well and good. The guy looks a bit weird, then again I guess he’s supposed to as he’s..you know, big and fat.

Yep...all the sexy right there

Yep…all the sexy right there

The girl looks very generic and has a deadpan expression on her face most of the time. It leaves her looking very…meh. I wouldn’t be able to pick her out of a crowd unless she had that outfit on. The art is very generic , but I guess in this case status quo is all right. Eye: 5.5/10

Heart: This is where this show SHOULD shine, but….for me, it’s okay. The guy is a stupid doof, and the girl’s kind of creepy. She doesn’t win any awards for being great. In fact, she kind of creeps me out. The guy just wants marshmallows and she’s using them to further her creepy love obsession.

Cause that's not creepy....at all

Cause that’s not creepy….at all

Not going to lie, if a woman around my job was following me around and stopped me from buying the things I loved and stopped 1 step short of sexual harassment saying how she wants my children…I’d be pretty freaked out. That’s not really romantic…it’s kinda stalkerish. The only reason this works is because the dude’s a doof and doesn’t understand what she’s doing as a normal person would have probably talked to the cops or at least the HR department. The heart is definitely not this series’ strong suit. Heart: 3/10

Total score 4.8/10

Like I said, this short isn’t going to win any awards….but it’s all right. It barely falls below average, but it leaves me with enough of a desire to continue, so…there’s that i guess. I will do this, mainly because it’s mildly interesting, but also because it’s short. Even if it ends up being BAD I only have to sit through 3 minutes. I can do that.

Watching: Yes
Blogging: Sure, what the hell.

So, see you next time on the creepy adventures of stalker and fat guy.

-Hideki

Hourglass of Summer (Kaho’s Route)

All right everyone. Here we are. We finally made it to the 5th and final route of the game, Kaho. Have I saved the best for last? No, not really, but, this is what the makers of the game definitely defined as the “Main love interest”. If you haven’t read my past 4 other posts on this game, I recommend you do that now. If you’re far too lazy to do that, I’ll just sit here and glare at you as I retell you what the premise of the game is.

You (Kotaro) are in love with this girl Kaho. However, she’s extremely popular and doesn’t really notice you.

Apparently every time you see this girl you get

Apparently every time you see this girl you get “Deer in the headlights” syndrome.

You declare that you’re going to get her to notice you and you go home on your bike a random day in mid-july. On the way home you’re covered in a weird powder and you wake up on September 1st. You learn that you and Kaho had recently started going out, but then she died yesterday (August 31st). You fall unconscious and that’s when you start your crazy time travel jumping in this two month time period, and are informed by a time cop that she needs your help to save her life.

The Kaho route then really begins. As you hop around you try to give Kaho a love letter. She rejects it, but when you jump again, you learn that she warmed up to you because she saw you save a baby bird and therefore are not a jerk. You learn she’s actually a very talented actress despite her normal shyness.

Wait a minute guy in the background..you're NOT ME! get the hell out of here!

Wait a minute guy in the background..you’re NOT ME! get the hell out of here!

As you hang around her more you notice that she seems extremely unwilling to go home to her father, the artist. And you’re not sure why. So you decide to spy on her to find out. So you peer in the window and ….

It's not creepy at all! it's ART!

It’s not creepy at all! it’s ART!

Oh…oh my. yeah apparently the father is very controlling of his daughter. So without his knowledge, you decide to sneak to the balcony ala Romeo and Juliet style. ( i see what they were going for as early on they let you know that Kaho loves Shakespeare. yeah yeah writers we get it ya clever bastards)

Kotaro Kotaro wherefore art thou- you know what? this is much better than Romeo and Juliet anyway.

Kotaro Kotaro wherefore art thou- you know what? this is much better than Romeo and Juliet anyway.

Eventually you end up hopping to the day when there’s going to be a festival. And you decide to pick Kaho of course because in this route you never stop having the world’s biggest boner for her. By now Kaho’s beginning to feel the “I really want his dick but am too nervous to show it phase” of the dating sim relationship. Eventually you sit down and talk to her.

kaho 1

This is a very sad moment as you Kaho basically tells you she wishes this moment could never end because she’s too afraid to go home to her father. After a discussion with her you finally do the thing we’ve been waiting for the whole game. you f-

kaho 14

oh shit! i mean um… you kiss!

kaho 11

Yes! Exactly! You kiss! (coughs into hand) Um…. So yes. Eventually, you can’t take how much of a jerkoff asshole her father is and basically tell him he should go fuck himself.

As we reach the climax of the game you make it to the 31st of August. The day Kaho dies. As her waiting for you was the reason she died in the first place, you run to try to catch her before the accident. Unfortunately as she sees you, she’s so happy that she takes this as an opportunity to run across the street without looking both ways.

Because street safety is for CHUMPS

Because street safety is for CHUMPS

This is the basically the point where you’re like “Fuck.” She’s too far away and you see a car coming. There’s nothing you can do. As you get ready to lose her again, something INCREDIBLY unexpected happens. She’s saved. Not by you or the time cop…. but by her dad.

touche creepy father...touche

touche creepy father…touche

Apparently your talking to the father convinced him that he needed to treat his daughter more like a person and less like an object and just love her for who she is. Running after to find her, he ended up saving her.

Finally the two of you can be together as the crisis is averted and you embrace.

kaho 5

The game ends with a flash forward to a couple years when you see that indeed, Kotaro and Kaho are going to get married and live happily ever after.

And apparently her art is going to look slightly off when she's in her wedding dress.

And apparently her art is going to look slightly off when she’s in her wedding dress.

So what is there to say about Kaho? She is a the average shy, demure Japanese girl. However, she’s also underneath that there’s a strong person wanting to come out as shown by her strong acting abilities. She really doesn’t trust many people deeply as the only man really in her life (her father) is abusive. Out of all the five girls, Kaho’s story is definitely the heaviest, and most detailed. You basically learn all there is to know about Kaho.

Of course, most people might like this idea, but at this point i did her route more out of obligation than any actual care for her character. See, when people normally say their “least favorite” of something, they’re basically trying to be polite. Because the alternative is saying “the one you hate the most”. However, in this situation “Least favorite” is ACTUALLY pretty apropos. I don’t dislike her, Kaho just happens to actually be “my least favorite.”

I know he's saving her from falling debris but it REALLY looks like he's about to beat her up

I know he’s saving her from falling debris but it REALLY looks like he’s about to beat her up

There is no character or route I dislike in this game. That’s one of the reasons I enjoy this game so much. I enjoy every single love interest in this game. Just because I don’t think Kaho is the greatest path, it doesn’t mean I don’t like her, I just…like her least.

One of the main issues I have with Kotaro in this branch is that start to finish you are obsessed with Kaho and it only grows more and more as the story goes in. It feels like the story wants you to go in that direction very badly, and it almost felt a little creepy after a while. It gave out a sort of non-character developing stagnation for me with Kotaro. Granted he went from obsession to truly understanding her, but at the same time, that sort of thing doesn’t do it for me. It’s still a great route, and Kaho’s adorable, but I have to go with a 7.5 out of 10.

I'm watching you Kotaro. Always watching you

I’m watching you Kotaro. Always watching you

So there you have it. There’s the 5 routes of Hourglass of Summer. For all the jokes I make about it, it really is the BEST dating sim I’ve ever played. It is purely fantastic. The music, the voice acting, the character development, the story, the art, it’s all amazing. Overall I give this game a 10/10. For the flaws I pointed out in it, it’s still as close to perfection as anything’s going to get for me. There are VERY few things in my arsenal that get a 10/10, so this game should be proud. well guys, hope you enjoyed, and see you soon for the Fall 2014 season! (9-10 shows. oh boy let’s do this)

Yep. that's as close to hentai as you're getting in this review.

Yep. that’s as close to hentai as you’re getting in this review.

Hourglass of Summer (Ai’s Route)

And here we are once again with another Hourglass of Summer route. Since there are 5, if this were a week it would be Thursday! Oh wait..I hate Thursdays. Damn it. Oh well.

So for those of who who haven’t read my THREE other posts on this game, long story short. You’re a guy named Kotaro in high school. You have a crush on a girl named Kaho. You’re coming home one day from school on a random day in July. You get covered in a weird powder. You wake up September 1st, you find out that you had been in a relationship with Kaho and she died the day before. You pass out, and you begin traveling through time in that 2 month time span trying to stop her from dying.

That’s pretty much the long and short of it. But where does Ai fit in? Well if you’ll wait a minute I’ll tell you! All right. Here we go. Ai is your next door neighbor. She, you and Takeshi (the only other male student basically in the game) are best friends. You have been forever. And of course, she has the world’s biggest crush on you. But because this is a dating sim, you have absolutely no idea. Because you’re a derp.

Because...you know...she hides it so well

Because…you know…she hides it so well

Because you’re an idiot, since you have a crush on Kaho, you ask Ai for tips on how to woo her. And begrudgingly, Ai helps you out.

Once all the crazy time travel stuff happens, you begin hopping around trying to save Kaho. Unfortunately, Ai’s dad, who runs the fish store next door, collapses from overwork, and Ai starts living with you while he’s in the hospital.

Ai then takes it upon herself to become your personal alarm clock and wake you up every day…..with a pillow

I swear if Ai said

I swear if Ai said “Put it in me’ He’d think she meant to pass her a Snickers.

While jumping around, Ai begins to notice that you’re a bit odd as you’re different than the other days. Despite her being a total space case, she’s pretty much the only one out of the three student options to realize you’re not yourself when you time jump. So, Kudos on that.

Along the way events happen such as going to a festival, her cooking him dinner, all sorts of stuff that if you were a normal person you would get the feeling she was totally into you.

“Oh boy Ai! I love how we can do stuff as friends.”
“….You’re an idiot ko-chan”

In my first post I mentioned how there is two routes that make me feel really sad when you picked either one of them, and Ai is one of the two. Basically throughout the game, Ai and Kaho travel along a very similar path. Until you get a bit towards the end when you have to decide who you take with you to the festival. If you pick Ai, Kaho gets disappointed and vice versa .You can actually feel the pain in their voice. It’s kind of sad.

Regardless, you actually try to explain to Ai about your time traveling. She doesn’t really understand all that well, but she believes you in a heartbeat. When you save Kaho, you wake up in the nurse’s bed on September 1st, and Ai asks if it’s really you, and you tell her it is, and the game ends with her hugging you.

Can't think of anything funny so..... D'AWWWWW SO CUTE

Can’t think of anything funny so….. D’AWWWWW SO CUTE

However, there is ONE little additional thing i forgot to mention. there is indeed an epilogue. Fast forward a few years, and you see that you actually married Ai and you and her run the fish store, as happy as happy could be.

I love you fishy wife!

I love you fishy wife!

There is only one word for Ai, and that is adorable. She is clumsy, naive, and a little slow, but she has the most wonderful, accepting, loving hearts of anyone in the game. She always believes in you, never doubts you, and truly does love you with all her heart…..And she has a snaggletooth. What’s that? What does that have to do with ANYTHING? It looks like it’s time for another…….CLASSS WITHHHH HHIDEKKKKII!!!

class i forgot snaggle

Short class today. That is all. CLASS DISMISSED!

Ai tries to show herself off as a strong girl. Even though she may be clumsy and naive, she always puts on a smile and a brave face no matter what. Even when her father ends up hospitalized she does her best to keep a strong face. Finally though, when she goes into her empty house to get something and finds herself in the dark alone, she finally breaks down and shows you the scared girl underneath the smile. And it wrenches at your heartstrings.

Might I add, perfect height for comfort hugs

Might I add, perfect height for comfort hugs

She really is a wonderful character and it is a wonderful route. The only issue I could possibly have with this route is that it’s so closely linked to Kaho’s that whether you pick Kaho or Ai, one of them gets hurt. However, it IS heavily implied that if you don’t choose Ai, she ends with Takeshi as he loves her but never said anything because she was so obviously in love with YOU. Well…obvious to anyone that’s not a dating sim protagonist.

Damn it Takeshi! the only one who gets a love interest in this game is ME!

Damn it Takeshi! the only one who gets a love interest in this game is ME!

Still, besides that one little thing, i LOVE this route. It is second only to Mana’s. I would recommend if you only wanted to do 2 of the routes, do Mana’s and this one. You seriously wish you could reach into your television and just squeeze Ai in a loving embrace. It’s actually hard to pick another route because Ai is so adorable. You can tell that this game wanted you to be with Kaho, but if there was a silver medal, this is the route the writers would have given it to. It’s just about as well developed, and it’s amazing.

All in all, Ai’s route gets a 9/10.

um…I wasn’t sure how to end this review so um……..here’s Ai in a maid outfit.

Yeah baby...you scrub that floor... it's so dirty

Yeah baby…you scrub that floor… it’s so dirty

And that’s as close to hentai as i’m going to give you for this. Because i’m an evil bastard.

Hourglass of Summer (Tomomi’s Route)

So here we are at the 3rd route in the lineup. Tomomi sensei. And yep, this the teacher. Is this the best route? Nah, nah it isn’t. but it’s still and incredibly solid story. Shall we begin? Oh please. Let’s.

Once again, if you didn’t read my last two posts on this game “Hourglass of Summer” I will rehash the plot for you once again. Because I’m awesome like that. You are Kotaro, a student in high school who is in love with a girl named Kaho. On the last day of school before summer vacation you ride your bike home and get covered in weird powder. You wake September 1st to find out that you and Kaho were together. But she died the day before. That’s when you start time hopping back and forth between the two month time span.

During this time, you think to yourself that you’re starting to go crazy. so you have to tell somebody. (You haven’t met Ligene for real yet). So you decide the best person to tell would be your sci-fi obsessed teacher Tomomi.

That time travel thing is nice and all, but your book report's still due tomorrow

That time travel thing is nice and all, but your book report’s still due tomorrow

At first she’s a little hesitant to believe you, but she eventually does, giving you whatever advice she can, and also not telling you about events that you haven’t come across yet in your time travel journey. She’s basically the only person who knows what’s going on besides you and Ligene the time cop.

If you decide you want to romance her she begins to have a problem with her stalker ex-boyfriend and you have to basically team up with her to stop him.

Remember kids, consent three years ago is not consent now. Also don't be a stalker.

Remember kids, consent three years ago is not consent now. Also don’t be a stalker.

Eventually after you end up saving her, you decide to go on a date with her. The date goes very well and Tomomi lets you know about how when she was little she had some kind of precognition that she would one day meet the perfect guy in which she’d be happy forever. But she waited through high school and college and the guy never showed up. She begins to get sad as she realizes that you’re that guy and she’s mad at herself for not waiting a bit longer. (aka being in a relationship with her crazy stalker ex-boyfriend).

You see she went to the Princess Diaries school of

You see she went to the Princess Diaries school of “Taking off your glasses and fixing your hair and you look totally different”

This is when Ligene comes and informs you of something. and to me, this is the most depressing part in the entire game. Ligene informs you (in this route only) that the only way to save Kaho is to do a hard reset of the timeline. Kaho will be saved…. but everyone will lose their memories of the events of this summer, including you and Tomomi. You and Tomo agree it’s the only way and you both lose all the memories of the time you spent together, but not before she kisses you on the forehead.

Thanks, you tugged at my heartstrings so much they snapped. thanks jackass.

Thanks, you tugged at my heartstrings so much they snapped. thanks jackass.

However, before you get out the hankies, I’ll tell you this.

After the timeline resets, you start having the same conversations you did in the beginning of the game with her, but for some reason, the two of you get extreme feelings of deja vu, and you’re not exactly sure why.

This route’s epilogue is cutting to a few years later with you in college in a relationship with Tomomi, and you couldn’t be happier.

I love this ending...but thanks for the man butt angle...

I love this ending…but thanks for the man butt angle…

Now i’m sure you noticed, this had a lot longer plot recap than Ligene’s. The reason is, there’s a LOT MORE PLOT than her route. The majority of this route is you gaining her trust, but also has that strange stalker mystery substory going on. It feels a LITTLE out of place, but, the tone, music, and voice acting carry it over well.

Tomomi is a bit….I’d guess the word you’d use is…eccentric.

And also apparently doesn't care what she looks like in public

And also apparently doesn’t care what she looks like in public

However, what saves it, is that once Tomomi lets you in, she is ADORABLE. Without her glasses and her hair down she looks like totally different person, and she lets her guard down, dropping her defenses, and shows you who she really is.

Here’s the funny thing about this route. When you start the game, the VERY FIRST CHOICE you have is your friend Takeshi saying “Boy, Tomomi-sensei isn’t very attractive.” your choices are “yeah, i bet she doesn’t have a boyfriend” and ” i don’t know, I think she might look cute without those glasses.”. If you do not pick the second option, her route will not open up and you CANNOT get her. Yes, you read that right. You can screw up her romance BEFORE THE OPENING THEME SONG.

As Zuko would saythatsrought

This is s a tough route. it’s definitely the darkest of the five, but at the same time, it’s also filled with hope. Tomomi is a hilarious, vibrant, yet soft personality. She’s trusting (shown as she’s the first one to believe your crazy story about time travel) but she’s also cynical. It’s an odd mixture to be sure, but the writers of this game knew exactly what they were doing. For some reason, it just works. The ending is bittersweet, but still good, and I enjoy the time I spend with Tomomi. she’s…fun to be around in the game. The only negative I’d give to this route is the stalker thing seems a bit..out of place from the other routes in the game. But still, incredibly enjoyable and i’d still recommend it to people.

Tomomi’s route? 8/10

Now come here and give daddy some sugar.

tomoko 9

Awwww yeeaaahhhhh

Hideki

Hourglass Of Summer (Ligene’s Route)

Well hello again everyone! What? What’s that? You’re surprised to see me back with another post about Hourglass of Summer? You thought i was done after posting one route? Oh. oh no. Far from it. We’re doing this. This game’s sat in obscurity for far too long! So let’s do this! What do you say Ligene?

ligene 9Oh… oh my.

So if you read my last post (if you didn’t for shame) you know the general idea of the story. If you don’t then here’s the basic premise in a nutshell. You get covered in weird magical dust by a person in a trenchcoat, you begin to travel in time randomly in a 2 month time period. You’re trying to save a girl from dying by doing so. There you go. If you want a detailed plot, read my previous post.

Have you ever played a game with a dating aspect where you can tell they just threw in an additional romance? Like, you can tell it was additional. It doesn’t have nearly as much development as the rest but it’s there. (cough persona 4 Yumi cough)

Which brings us to anothhherrrrr class with Hideki!

(Class cheers)

Class three harem showsLong story short, this romance kinda feels like that. it almost feels like that romance that they don’t think anyone’s going to pick, so they make it a bit quicker, and a little less overall polished. Which is sad, because by itself, this is a pretty good romance.

Here’s something you may not know. Hourglass of Summer actually got a 2 episode OVA called “Natsuiro no Sunadokei”. In it, they changed the art and they had to compress a 30 hour game into 2 episodes so…yeah.. it didn’t turn out fantastic. However, one thing they DID do that really upset me was they turned Ligene into a Tsundere. She is NOT a Tsundere. I guess with their limitations on time to expand upon her character they had to give her a quirk instead. But it was a bad quirk. She’s not a tsundere, she’s not a jerk. She just has trouble knowing how to act around people because she was born and raised as a time cop. (for god’s sake she has a parfait for the first time and it looks like she’s going to have an orgasm)

You. Me. 6 of these parfaits. Your room. NOW.

You. Me. 6 of these parfaits. Your room. NOW.

So as you travel along with her to help her save Kaho,and by association all the other girls’ lives, not because you love any of them, but because it’s the right thing to do. Even the girl Kaho that your originally loved you realize that it was more of a fascination than actual love. Towards the end of the game, you ask Ligene for a favor, and it’s obvious her affection for you has grown over the weeks you’ve spent together, so she asks you to take her on a date in return. You agree and if you haven’t picked any of the other girls yet (and made the right choices) you can go on this date with her. It’s amusing because apparently she’s so beautiful in this world that people think they’re shooting a movie when you’re on your date

Haha. I love that guy in the background's face. He's like DA FUUUCCKKK?

Haha. I love that guy in the background’s face. He’s like DA FUUUCCKKK?

Eventually you make it back to your room. She thanks you for the date but also wants to try kissing for the first time. So you oblige.

Yeah. because if that chick said

Yeah. because if that chick said “I want to kiss you” you’re going to go, “NOPE! FUCK YOU BITCH!”

In the adult version she wants to try *cough*other things…but…..this is the clean version.

It’s then that she tells you how much she enjoyed her time with you and how she wishes she could stay and gives you a teary goodbye.

Well at least they got to have parfaits together....unlike Nephrite and Molly

Well at least they got to have parfaits together….unlike Nephrite and Molly

It’s at this point in the game, you get one more choice. You can decide to either let her go, or tell her that you basically need her and don’t want her to leave. If you choose THIS option, something sweet, yet also hilarious happens. She leaves, but comes back and informs you that….and I kid you not, she pulled some strings, and you are now her time traveling cop assistant. It’s adorable as it is hilarious.

Weekend shift at McDonalds eat your heart out!

Weekend shift at McDonalds eat your heart out!

The game then ends with you going off on a wacky adventure with Ligene in time.

How should I put it about this route? This route is very cute. If you don’t want to have heavy handed romance with Mana, Kaho, Ai, or the teacher, this is the one i recommend. There is not a lot of drama in this one. Ligene has this energy about her that’s contagious. She’s funny, clever, yet also scared and innocent. That’s one of the reasons i was so mad they made her into a tsundere in the anime. Because they tried to oversimplify her into a stereotype that she wasn’t even in the first place.

While this route may feel a tad bit rushed at the end, it’s still a solid route. Really, the only issue I have with this route is that I wish there was a little MORE romance. For something so cute and adorable, they sure slapped it on at the end.

What's that Ligene? You want your score girl?

What’s that Ligene? You want your score girl?

Even all that said, I really do enjoy this route. It’s cute, fun, and goddamn it….now I really want a parfait…..

Where the hell can I get a parfait at 10:45pm on a Monday? (grabs car keys)

Oh, right. a score. Yeah. Ligene’s route gets a 9/10. So go play it! (runs out the door to look for an all night Parfait place)

……..

………….

Gah fuck you guys, I’m seriously not showing you the porn!

Hideki

Hourglass Of Summer (Mana’s Route)


Have you ever seen one of those movies where someone will say something so epic that after they finish there will be a dead silence for a few seconds, followed by one person clapping slowly,until the whole room starts to clap and then there’s a thunderous applause? That’s the way I feel about this dating sim. I love to complain. Dear god how I love to complain. But with this game, Hourglass of Summer, I’m almost pissed because there’s nothing to complain ABOUT. The music is phenomenal, the story is original, and the characters are all amazing (even the self insert dude). There are 5 love options and EVERY ONE of their stories is fantastic. Anyone who knows anything about me will tell you. 9/10 times I HATE the main love interest.

In fact, it’s time for class kiddies!

(kids cheer)

Class two harem shows

Whether it be an anime, a game, or whatever, if it’s a harem show, and i know who the main character’s going to end up with in episode 1, I drop the show like it’s made of lard…and Will Ferrell (i do not like Will Ferrel). In my opinion, if this condition is met, there is NO POINT of the show being a harem show, if they basically broadcast to you in the first episode who the main girl is, and who he’s going to pick, there is no point as it could be a simple romance show with no other girls necessary as they will never be love interests no matter how many fanservice situations they are put in. (I’m looking at YOU Brynhildr) And what’s even worse, is when it comes to games, a good majority of them make you feel as if you got the “consolation prize ending” if you don’t pick the main girl they want YOU to pick. As if because you don’t like the main girl, somehow you’re wrong and you should get a “not so perfect” ending.

If i tell you to pick Neko in Bryhildr, you're going to fucking PICK Neko you bitch!

If i tell you to pick Neko in Bryhildr, you’re going to fucking PICK Neko you bitch!

However, Hourglass of summer doesn’t do that. Every one of the endings feels great. In fact,There’s 2 of the endings that sort of intertwine and by the time you have to pick one of the girls, you feel bad no matter which one you pick as they’re both amazing. I NEVER like the main girl, but for this game, damn it they knew what they were doing.

Now before you ask, yes this dating sim is available in English, and you actually don’t even need a computer to play it. all you need is a DVD player. This was released a few years ago in English by a company called “Hirameki”. They are sadly out of business now, but they released a few good games. you can get this online on amazon for about $10 bucks with shipping. But hell, i’d buy it again for $40. It’s that good.

Enough of me brown nosing this game. (trust me, me loving something this much does NOT happen very often as you can ask either Midnight or Oki) What is the general premise? Well you’re a high school student who’s in love with this girl named Kaho. However, she’s really popular and she’s way out of your league. Feeling dejected, on the last day of school before summer break, you decide soon you’re going to try to ask her out, but tonight, you head home. However as you do, you come across a strange person in a trenchcoat. you get into a struggle and you end up being covered in a strange powder.

Bitch, yo fat ass best not have messed up my ride!

Bitch, yo fat ass best not have messed up my ride!

You wake up to find yourself on September 1st, the first day of class. you then discover that not only during that time have you become Kaho’s boyfriend, but on August 31st, she was killed. you fall unconscious to find yourself in a random summer’s day back in the past. It is then revealed that you are actually jumping through a two month period in time back and forth, never knowing where you’re going to end up. you meet the person in the trenchcoat who is really a Time cop named Li Gene and she informs you that her (and therefore your) mission is to save Kaho from dying. and that’s basically when the game picks up.

Here’s the thing that i absolutely love. Normally in one of these games, they’d make it so if you didn’t pick the main girl, she would die. However, in Hourglass of Summer, out of the 5 girls, no matter who you pick, Kaho lives. as long as you get one of them, she’s fine. so it isn’t one of those “oh you picked someone else so she dies.” There’s no guilt attached with the romance and i love it.

So, who should we pick…..the main shy popular girl Kaho…the spunky next door neighbor Ai, the sci-fi obsessed teacher, the emotionless shy swimmer Mana, or the time cop? Hmmmmm…know what? let’s go with my absolute favorite, Mana. the Swimmer girl. Why? Cause this ain’t no democracy!

Mana water

H2 ohhhh yeahhhhhh

Here’s the scoop. you find out that Kaho will die because a girl gets her wheelchair stuck on the train tracks so they have to shut down the train.

Remember kids, don't drink and wheelchair.

Remember kids, don’t drink and wheelchair.

Kaho then takes a bus, which as she steps out of, she gets hit by a car and dies. so you figure that the best way to handle this is to stop the girl from getting in the accident that puts her in a wheelchair, therefore not stopping the train and Kaho’ll be fine. Over the next jumping back and forth you have to gain this shy, quiet girl’s trust.

Her whole goal is to be the best swimmer. She has a crush on her coach and wants to be the best. The sad thing is, if you want her romance there is no way to stop her from breaking her leg and ending up in the wheelchair. In fact, one of your most touching scenes is when she gets so depressed you have to STOP HER FROM COMMITTING SUICIDE.

Let me jump! Life's not worth living now that Michael Phelps will no longer love me!

Let me jump! Life’s not worth living now that Michael Phelps Senpai will no longer notice me!

She eventually realizes she loves you and becomes your girlfriend. You save Kaho and the timeline is restored.

At least we won't have to worry about expensive medical bills. I love you Japanese healthcare

At least we won’t have to worry about expensive medical bills. I love you Japanese healthcare

This game. Holy crap this game. If this abstract concept of this game were a woman, i would make love to it. that is how strongly i feel about this game. Are there a few problems with some of the routes in this game? Okay, yeah for a few of them i could ask they tweak a couple of things. However, for this route? No. this route is perfect. I love everything about it, and like I said before, you will NEVER read those words on one of my posts again. Well, okay, there’s a very unlikely possibility you will. Now you may have noticed that i skipped over a LOT. the reasoning behind this is, i want you play this route. If you play ANY route in this game, play this one. I hardly want to spoil anything. it’s just that fantastic.

Now the question. Why is it good? Well that’s hard to pinpoint. First of all, Mana starts out very cold. She doesn’t really want anything to do with you and wants you to leave her alone. She’s so focused on pleasing her coach that she won’t give you the time of day. It’s then you see her floating in the water and you in your dumbassery thinks she drowning and try to save her.

Well....to be fair, i'd think she was drowning too.

Well….to be fair, I’d think she was drowning too.

Of course, she’s not drowning, but as she has to save YOU from your own stupidity as YOU begin to drown, she begins to feel closer to you and begins to warm up to you.

MELT

She’s not mean, she’s not a Tsundere. she’s just…sad. She’s sad and lonely. And the fact that you find your way into her life is so heartwarming and amazing and iwanttomakeoutwiththisgame!

Okay, now i bet you’re wondering something. “Hideki, (of which I’m sure you’re asking me with a top hat and monocle in a British accent) this is a dating sim. Where’s the porn?” And here’s the thing. At first this game was released on the PS2 in Japan as a “Clean” dating sim. A hentai PC version was released later. the version Hirameki did was the clean one. And this may sound weird, but i prefer the clean one. This is the kind of story that actually SUFFERS when there’s porn in it. You get so absorbed in the story and the characters that hentai actually DETRACTS from it. I know, crazy right?

Oh baby, come here for some PG lovin'

Oh baby, come here for some PG lovin’

Being all that said, Mana’s route, Hourglass of Summer gets a 10/10. … don’t get used to that score.

Mana end

….

……………..

………………………

You guys still want to see the hentai don’t you? Well too bad, it’s all mine!

….

…….and it’s actually kind of hot

SHUT UP!

Hideki